Posted by: docdenbow | March 18, 2018

Police Investigations

Do you ever watch anything on TV as it’s broadcast? Mrs Denbow and I never do. We record the bugger and fast forward through the commercial breaks a.k.a. “the adverts.” We’ve been watching a detective programme on Drama, “Inspector Lynley Catches Murderers.” When it come to the adverts out comes the RMC (remote control) to miss out the stoopid ads. On average each break in the investigation takes six minutes.

Now I’ve been doing some sums. The whole show which lasts for some two hours would last for about fifteen minutes if two things were actually done. Firstly cut out the lingering shots of Lynley’s Bristol 410 motor car and secondly dump the adverts.

The Drama Channel would then have room for a new innovative programme for their peak time viewing schedules. Beautifully filmed vignettes featuring well groomed individuals and families. I’d call it Commercials Hour. Then a second show could be thrown together on the cheap showing witless idiots going to assorted retail outlets so they could hover their bank cards at check outs buying this array of tat that they don’t want or need.

Anyway, there are very few programmes that fall into Lynley category anymore. You know, gentle inoffensive detective shows. They’re all rammed to the gills with blood and gore. I love a neat murder without gore, or the gore being implied rather than shown in pornographic detail. A simple “he’s dead” is all I need and not a close up of multiple stab wounds or blunt force trauma. Now “blunt force trauma” is a little phrase that’s entered the lexicon of everyday usage. Why can’t the pathologist just say he croaked because someone clocked him over his bonce instead of “blunt force trauma?”

Dalziel And Pascoe was dead good. I really enjoyed that and it got so much gooder when Peter Pascoe’s wife buggered off out of it. Her eyes always bothered me and I came to the conclusion that she had an excellent face for radio. Not her fault of course, but I did find it difficult to take her seriously as the obligatory eye candy. It’s strange how programmes like D & P can be amazingly popular, but when they inevitably stop, many of the actors only reappear in bit parts in Casualty or Midsomer Murders. Sadly Warren Clarke died, otherwise I’m certain that we would have seen a lot more of him. Yes, fame is a very fickle mistress. There are many actors and comedians who once graced our screens are filed away under gone and very much forgotten.

One current programme I do actually like is “Vera” where Brenda Blethyn dressed like a bag lady portrays an unlikely Inspector (or is that is that Chief Inspector) investigating murders often carried out by a motley crew of killers for very complicated reasons. She has some some wonderful lines to deliver, “luv,” “pet” and my own favourite “Kenny luv.” Her crap Landrover is up a BAFTA I’ve heard on the grapevine. (It’s actually played by a Aston Martin Vantage) The review in the The Guardian was excellent. The Aston is taking on the role of Inspector Gently’s Rover in the next series. However, he needs to be careful as I think he’s gonna get typecast playing all these Rovers.

There is one detective/police programme I can heartily recommend. It’s one that the English have largely ignored as it’s Welsh. I’m talking about Hinterland made by BBC Wales. It’s now found a home on Netflix. Watch it if for no other reason than it’s a dark unglamorous Scandi style featuring an Inspector who is fundamentally flawed and still mourning the death of a child.


Or is that Ciao For Now.





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