Posted by: docdenbow | August 9, 2014

I’m Not Sure Anymore

I’ve written, written, written and written on this blog for 3 ½ years all manner of self opinionated twaddle. The thing with writing self opinionated twaddle is that it needs to be fuelled. In my case the fuel was anger, resentment, self pity, self loathing, boredom and all round depressive misery. I now have most, if not all of those things firmly under control and now I am finding it impossible to write something here for my blog. Okay, so I’m writing this, but that’s really not the point – the novel without words (Adrian Mole) and the blog post about nothing?

English: WordPress Logo

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The other thing has been that in the past I have been guilty of the heinous crime of writing for stats, hits, readers. You know the little fair haired blogger taking an apple to WordPress in return for a Gold Star and a massive plug. Now, for the first time, I could really not care whether you the person reading this is the only one that is doing so. That’s not what it’s about at all. A little WordPress blog is just a means of self expression. A place where I can say more or less what I want I want to say without contradiction as few people ever choose to comment apart from an ambiguous Tweet. No one takes me to task and I love the liberation that brings.

You see right now I have lost the drive and compulsion to pick up my laptop and spew out my opinions and feelings as I have done in the past. What does anyone care what I think? That’s not me being all *woe is me* it’s a fact. I read other people’s blogs and I find that without exception they are better than mine. Better written and with more interesting subject matter. For months and months this blog has been my life and now life has encroached on my blog. I’m busier, happier, more content than I’ve been in an age. So do I need to write stuff here with an almost religious fervour?

I’m not sure anymore

PT 2


So why am I thinking like this? I think the answer is a little more complex than first meets the eye. I think I’ve been a little too revealing in what I’ve written. I’ve sacrificed privacy for good copy so to speak. I’ve acted like a tabloid journalist and written things that really should not have been written, or at the very least published. I have toyed with the idea of going through each and every post and deciding whether they should remain visible to all or kept just for me. I am capable of going naked physically, I know that I can do that without shame, but there other things I’ve written that expose my psyche in a way that now I’m not happy with. However, these vignettes act as a record of my journey to where I am right now and perhaps should remain as signposts to show that I’ve travelled a road.

Yet for all of this, I am left with a huge problem. I’ve written almost vicious articles about American reality TV, expressed my opinions on UKIP, whinged about me and how I was feeling at the time, wrote a tongue in cheek piece about NASA, gave my opinions on the whole epilepsy experience and I have also written of body image and nudism/naturism.

Where now?

Well, I have resolved to become a more tolerant person less likely fly into a temper with little provocation which has meant that unfortunately for this blog that my righteous indignation levels have dropped. Now when I look at the stuff on The Daily Mail website, I don’t get angry or wound up anymore, I read or not and move on. That type of negative emotion towards a newspaper is pointless. They print any old rubbish, so I just assimilate the information and move on. Right now I feel no incentive to become a keyboard warrior screaming my frustration to a world that won’t listen.

I’m not the Messiah, just a very naughty boy.





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