Posted by: docdenbow | May 20, 2014

If The Cap Fits?


Somebody once said to me that if you are bored then you are boring. Well, if that’s the case then most of the time I’m boring. I find it virtually impossible to strike up a conversation with anyone, and I mean anyone, who shares my interests or will even pretend to. It’s a bit crap to be honest. I’ve ended up just writing stuff down and publishing it here on my blog so I can pretend in my stupid little head that I have friends or I am part of a group which is why the subjects I write about are of such a scattergun style. I’ve written

Kicking Television

(Photo credit: dhammza)

about sport, TV, politics, music and probably more. It’s almost as if I’m searching for something and I’m screaming like a child “like me! like me! like me! let me join in!” From time to time my aching sense of alienation socially makes me consider that I must be terrible company for anyone.

What doesn’t help me is that although I think I’m sensitive, in truth that’s not the case. When the opportunity does arise to really relate to someone and be able to offer advice, help even, and support – I muck that up by jumping in feet first making mule headed comments and generally screwing up any kind of relationship I had with the person and making them both unhappy and distant leaving me realizing that I should retreat as I really do not know how to interact.

I have no interests, no reason to join in with anyone or anything. Besides, I’m never invited to anything more than a p*ss up and as I don’t drink anymore I’m hardly likely to want to go and face all of that temptation, and I feel that those asking know I won’t go so they feel safe in asking. So what’s the answer? Do I spend the rest of my life as a social wallflower or do I strike out at a tangent on my own? Is there any point in searching for a panacea for my life or do I just accept the way things are, living my life largely unfulfilled intellectually and spiritually (and I’m not talking religion here) Yes I know that makes me, an unqualified w*nker sound like a poseur of the highest order, but if the cap fits?

I need to look at the time I waste and fill it, fill it to capacity so that I can take leisure without feeling any guilt that I do not make any contribution to the home, which in fairness is something that Mrs D complains of frequently; and she’s right.

*sigh*

Ciao For Now

Denbow

 

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