Posted by: docdenbow | April 13, 2014

A Design For Denbow’s Life


I have come to a decision which for me is a big decision.

I will continue to share some of my thoughts via this blog, but people in general will no longer be party to anything of any consequence in my life. Maybe I’ve had a sense of humour bypass, I really don’t care, but that’s the way it’s going to be. Sometimes it’s unwise to open yourself up socially and I believe that I’ve been unwise. I spend much of the time thinking, perhaps more than is good for, and I have been tending to share those thoughts. In fact I’ve been an open book – no more. It’s too dangerous and I’ve come to the conclusion is that all that’s it’s done is to make me unhappy. Telling people what you’re thinking just gives people ammunition with which to shoot you down. Sadly if these people know what it is that you care about the ammunition strikes are more damaging.

Thinking

(Photo credit:Moyan_Brenn)

Furthermore, I am going to simply ignore things in my life that only serve to irritate. If at all possible I will avoid situations and individuals whose actions, habits and mere existence serve to inflict damage upon me. Sadly the unpleasant things in life cannot be totally ignored and avoided, but putting this resolution into motion will only serve to soothe my somewhat troubled emotions.

I am fully aware that these sound like the quasi religious statements of a pompous individual, so be it. I have arrived at the conclusion that few care what I think so why should I be bothered what others think of me? I know what I am, what type of person I am and I am more than content to plough my own furrow and leave the nice, loving and gregarious side of my nature on display for the folks that I really care for.

I’m really and truly fed up of trying to score points in any type of popularity contest by behaving in a way I’m not comfortable with. It seems that I am required to play some sort of game. I don’t play games as game playing implies some kind of competition and I no longer have even the remotest inclination to compete. I’ve had the competitive instinct knocked out of me and I’m glad. I’m glad that I won’t have to ride roughshod over others and to be honest if they want to ride roughshod over me, then they’re welcome. If they want a doormat then “Hello I’m here.”

May God help anyone who tries to use me as a lap dog though.

So there you are, a 400 word manifesto. A template for my life which is the way I hope I can exist without finding that the ephemera changes my mood and alters my emotions. It can’t go on; I won’t let it go on. I’ve avoided life for far too long. I’ve experienced bugger all and have achieved zero. I have only 2 proper friends and that’s it. Am I fortunate to have 2? I have no acquaintances at all. What I don’t know is do I care? Do I pine for social contact away from my family? No, I don’t think I do as I’m happy as I am. Happy to go to work, do my work, go back to my home and sit back and just be, you know be? I sit and stare at my Twitter feed and occasionally share a link on Facebook, but Facebook is most certainly the most pointless piece of interactive technology in existence. You post something, no one looks, reads, comments or acts. *Sigh* Think it’s about time I really knocked it on the head with the endless blurry pictures of drunken orange females trying to convince the world and each other that they’re having a good time. Then there’s the unfunny jokes stolen from puerile websites…..don’t….these things are best avoided.

The past week has seen an epiphany, a spiritual awakening for me. For the the first time in a long, long time I feel that I truly know who I am.

It’s time to finally close the open book.

Am I ever gonna change
Will I always stay the same
Say one thing
Then I do the other
Same old song
Goes on forever
Rise, rise ‘n shine
A new day is coming
Yes it is!
Lyrics = Gary Cherone

So long………

Denbow

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Responses

  1. I’m with you on the not caring what others think. Still working on it however, I happen to be completely shit at it. And fb is crap.


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