Posted by: docdenbow | March 29, 2014

And On That Deep And Meaningful Note


We’ve been having a new kitchen installed over the past couple of weeks. It’s not finished yet, but the original target date to get it all done was 1st April 2014 so we’re still on course. That will mean that the downstairs of Denbow Towers is all finished with its tarting up. The garden is another matter as it is in need of a bit of TLC but that will get a bit of a facelift as the year progresses. After doing all of the work on the kitchen we’ll be more or less spent out so we’ll have to start saving again before we can finish our home improvements and renovations.

 Do you have to count the pennies and scrimp and scrape by? Mrs D and I have always had to do so. Bringing 2 little girls into the world on a peasant’s pay meant that we had very little for ourselves and lived very much on the make do and mend principle. I didn’t have the confidence to go and get another job especially as I was I suppose terrified of rejection, having had 2 big knocks to any self esteem that I may have had before I reached the age of 25. Fair enough I was happy enough in most ways, but in many respects I was deeply resentful and distrusting. I had a job where I was exploited and grossly underpaid by an individual for whom I had absolutely no respect. This individual’s personal hygiene was terrible and his business sense virtually non existent. Most people thought that the business was mine….I just wish that it had been.

English: Compact Disc Nederlands: Compact Disc

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In the time since I finally walked away from the dump I’ve seen some of the kids who would come and buy records, tapes and CDs go on to great things and in some respects I’m envious of their achievements. For all of that I would never have had the guts to do what Steve did, by going to live in Finland for example, or studying Egyptology like Syd. Me, I’ve had the kids to support and a mortgage to pay when we finally purchased Denbow Towers within a year of walking out of Smelly Dump Records. That taught me something – quite what I don’t want to dwell on if you know what I mean.

 Does that mean those years in Smelly Dump Records were a waste? I’m sorry to say that in many ways that it does. I could have those years building a proper career, studying or earning a proper living wage and be able to take my kids on holiday. I grieve for those wasted opportunities, wasted time, wasted talent, waste of myself. Both Syd and Steve got themselves qualified and I hope they’d agree that they’re no more intelligent than me. It’s too late now to bother studying, pointless. I don’t need qualifications for self esteem or a badge of merit; I just realize that I should have studied when I had the chance.

That brings me to the here and the now to the almost completed kitchen and the times to come. What does the future hold for me? I don’t know anymore than anyone does about their own future. You just have to go with the flow. You can try to influence things, try to make your life what you want it to be, pursue what you want pursue and perhaps revisit old ground with new eyes and humility to help to overcome regret and sorrow that you may carry and to fulfil long standing ambitions.

And on that deep and meaningful note……..

Ciao For Now

Denbow

 

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