Posted by: docdenbow | March 14, 2014

Aww, Come On!


Some things that happen can really yank my crank, shake my cage or grind my gears. Like that great philosopher Peter Griffin once said,

Peter Griffin

Peter Griffin (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

“Aww come on!”

I mean who really gives a monkey’s gland that @cherylkerl is gannin’ back on X-Factor? I don’t – yet even the great Doc is aware of this earth shattering piece of news that threatens to tilt this planet from its axis.

“Aww, come on!”

Is this what we’ve finally come to? There’s a plane that’s disappeared with 239 people on board, but as we haven’t heard the infamous “including *X* Britons on board,” nobody really gives a flying (or is that crashed or hijacked?) fuck? I just can’t wait for the conspiracy stories about aliens to kick in. Aliens, anyone?

“Aww, come on!”

 Mind you it is a bit of a puzzler this whole Malaysian plane business. Where the hell is it and what’s happened? The news isn’t telling us much because at the moment as there’s not much to tell. The plane took off, it didn’t land. Err, that’s it. There’s endless speculation with stories appearing about mobile phones, changes in course and altitude. Simply put if anyone knows what happened to the Boeing 777 then they ain’t saying. “Experts” talk of catastrophic failure. No shit Sherlock.

“Aww, come on!”

 If you’ve ever read any of the stuff I write here before then you’ll know that I have a healthy disrespect for news reporting in general. The way the idiot masses (that’s us BTW) have the news drip fed to us by Murdoch’s minions yanks my crank. The BBC is no better being totally petrified to report in full just in case some chinless Right-Winger accuses it of being a hot bed of Marxists.

“Aww, come on!”

 The BBC just doesn’t want to risk making waves. Former employees have been queuing around the block telling us that they knew Jimmy Savile was a pervert, Newsnight prepared a story and promptly spiked it. Why? Didn’t want to make waves, that’s why.

“Aww, come on!”

 The Daily Mail, that septic organ of half truths, falsehoods, misrepresentations, hypocrisy, double standards and outright lies is unflinching in its coverage. The trouble is aside from sports and the telly schedules everything in this rag is crap. Bad journalism pure and simple. A news aggregator for the bigoted generation. Don’t get me started on Amanda Platell, what is she? A real person or a picture cut out of the back of magazine.

“Aww, come on!”

 But telly isn’t just news is it. We get to watch other crap too. “Homes Under The Hammer,” what the hell is that all about? A liar’s charter? Trainee slum landlords running a tax fiddle on daytime TV? You ever seen it? It features a bloke with a crap haircut and the most annoying woman on TV. The idea is somebody buys a shit tip for as little as possible, fixes it up and then sells it for a profit or rents it out. It’s not reality TV as such it’s the telly filming real people. Okay, nothing wrong with that. Better to watch that than Kyle. Having bought this dump the new owner tells crap haircut what he’s going to do with it. He’s told of all these Grand Designs plans such as:

  • Rewire and replaster entire dump
  • New bathroom and add en suite
  • New kitchen
  • New oak floor
  • Double glazing
  • Garden landscaped and decked
  • Loft conversion and two storey extension

Crap hair nods appreciatively and asks about the budget.
“£1,500” trainee slum landlord

“Aww, come on!”

Grand Designs

Grand Designs (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Talking of Grand Designs, do you think Kevin McCloud is all right in the noggin? Well, I think that he’s just plain weird. He gets way too excited by walls, windows and natural light to be the sort of bloke you be happy taking down the boozer for a game of arrows. He’d be banging on about the shape of the glasses and the contours of something or other. Naturally some track suited thug would hear “contour” or rather mishear and give ol’ Kevin a slap. And from where does Grand Designs drag these morons up? They all have way too much money, ideas above their station, bad taste and the willingness to live in a rubbish caravan through 2 winters where Mrs Moron usually gives birth to little Baby Moron. Worse than that they have Kevin’s continually talking to camera telling us (idiots) that he wonders whether the building will look stupid, fall over or the morons will run out of ££££. Sad to say, they never do……

 “Aww, come on!”

Ciao For Now,

Denbow

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