Posted by: docdenbow | March 9, 2014

Mrs Denbow’s Grand Design


Dear Blog,

I have been neglecting you recently, but I hope you realize that I do have a life away from you and the internet in general. I’ve been busy you see, but I do have a tale to relate.

 We’re in the middle of putting in a new kitchen. In fact after 30 years of marriage, it will be the first time that we will have a “proper” kitchen. You know, all neat, fitted properly and all that jazz.

English: Advertising postcard, picture side, f...

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Project Manager Mrs Denbow has also decided that we’re having a 32″ Smart TV in there as well. As she is in charge, I’m in not position to argue really. In between the dust and destruction sadly required to ready a kitchen to be properly installed there have been some highs and lows. As I’m all too often accused of being a miserable bugger I’ll pass over the lows. In fairness the lows are really just minor short term irritations that will be soon quickly forgotten.

 However, Friday 7th March 2014 will go down as a day in my life that I will remember forever.

 In the morning Mrs D supervised the delivery of the cupboards, cabinets, plinths and kickboards. She was quite beside herself with and expectation and the light at the end of her tunnel was no longer an oncoming train.

Modern kitchen

I looked across the road at the van and saw that the back was open and the hydraulic tailgate was ready to get the oven and hob to ground level. Then big box came into view first, then the little trolley and then the first of the delivery men. He looked well into his sixties and looked rather frail.

“Hmm, he must be the driver.” I mused.

With that I went back into the house to make doubly sure there was enough room in the conservatory to put this pretty big box. There was. Mrs Denbow came up to me and advised me that I would need to offer assistance. As I made my way to the front door she dropped the bombshell.

“He’s on his own.”

I considered this a moment and replied “What do mean he’s *on his own?* Away with the fairies?”

“No,” said the fair Mrs D, “They’ve sent him on his own to deliver it.”

 I thought that it was quite odd that he was sent on his own to deliver an oven and hob, especially as they were in the same carton. Needs must I suppose. I looked across the road I could see the box, but not the ancient courier.

“Where’s he gone?” I asked of the Project Manager

She pointed across the road and I could just about make out his eyes as he peered over the top of the box.

 I told you that he I was frail. I told you that he was in his sixties. Did I tell you that he was about 5 feet tall? I believe I may have also neglected to tell of the 9 stone steps that lead from the pavement to the threshold of DenbowTowers. At this point you may be thinking as I was thinking “This is going to end in tears.”  The poor old chap was well out of his depth and Mrs D looked fearful for the health and wellbeing of this soon to be septuagenarian. I crossed the road and asked if he needed any help (dumb question) the relief that crossed his wizened visage was palpable.

 When the tail lift hit terra firma it was clear to me that this little chap was not going to be able to get this oven across the road. I bravely volunteered to take over and take my word for it, it was bloody heavy. How this chap was meant to deliver this on his own is beyond my comprehension. As it turns out had it not been for the prescience of our electrician who willingly helped then I truly believe that we would have had to send the oven back until suitable personnel could be found to affect a delivery.

 Anyway all’s well that ends well and the Project Manager is pleased with her planning and tight budgetary control.

 Me? I just loved telling Kevin McCloud to get stuffed.

 Ciao For Now,

 Denbow

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