Posted by: docdenbow | February 19, 2014

Did Ted Moult Ever Go To A Harvester?

I was just thinking…..what is the most ridiculous question you can be asked? A couple immediately spring to my mind.

Do you want to go to bed for some red hot sizzling X rated fun?

Have you ever been to a Harvester before?

Let’s just move straight on to number 2 shall we, alright? I mean the first one, well, it’s a bit sort of tacky and thrusting isn’t it? So yes, we’ll leave that one where it is and move on to the Harvester related enquiry shall we?

Some advertising executive/copywriter/drongo got paid good cash that they could have siphoned my way for that 40 seconds of doggie doos that masquerades as an advert. Let’s be honest here –  we are mates after all –  it’s rubbish. If you went into a Harvester and the waitress (although told she must) asked THAT question, wouldn’t you feel like screaming out at the top of your lungs,

“F*** off you nosy bint! What’s it to you? Get me a table, feed me and then just leave me alone!”

Of course that would probably have offended the sensibilities of the Saturday night TV viewer waiting for the start of Ted Roger’s 3-2-1 and enduring pretty rubbish episodes of Doctor Who with Peter Davision , but it really would have made an impact as the angered diner attacked Mr and Mrs. Gummidge before being hurled into the car park and being pelted with the complimentary bread rolls. I never realized either until I watched that advert that The Harvester looks exactly the same now as it did 30 years ago, except for the fact the Gummidge couple have been moved on.

That’s the trouble with adverts isn’t it? A pasteurized – or is that sterilized? – ideal of the world shoehorning a tacky product into it in the vainglorious hope that we’ll be suckered into buying it. The big problem is that the admen often succeed. There have been terrible products with even worse adverts which have against the odds have become hugely successful. Things like “Shake n Vac” springs to mind. A useful product that does no more than cheap talcum powder being sold by an adman’s idea of a happy housewife.

Windows….Ted Moult and his helicopter….crap…lots wrong with that one…lots n lots n lots n lots n lots n lots…..aaarrrggghhh! This one involving a trip to what looks suspiciously like Royston Vasey where he went into a local pub for local people is my favourite for the sheer crapness.

I just wonder what it is a double glazing that makes terrible adverts. Is it the ad agencies give the commissions to the YOP or tea boy/girl and just to have a crack at ithem? Must be I think.

Anyway, rewinding to Harvester, remember that dear reader? Well, yes that’s where this rambling whinge started. I’ve been in two. One was okay and the other was, err, okay as well. In fact I’m not even sure I’ve in two Harvesters at all. It may be that I’ve only ever been in one and they just keep moving it around. I mean, have you ever seen two Harvesters at the same time? Thought so, me neither. Apparently there are over 200 of these places nationwide. I say apparently for I have my suspicions that the real number is lower. Much lower.

This picture below shows a Harvester in Hampshire –

This picture shows a Harvester in Dorset

This one is on the outskirts of Swansea

Moving these clones from place to place does mean that they get jumbled up a bit, but as you can see it’s the same building. It’s even the same car park. I have yet to establish for whether the staff are the same. However I think it likely that they are some kind of automatons easily packed away for transportation purposes.

This whole Harvester, Toby Carvery and so on malarkey has ruined so much. Like a virus these pub restaurants have gobbled up all before them with the uninventive bland food they serve. The beer is fizzed up brown Alka Seltzer. Meanwhile the independent pub, even restaurant, has declined and the licensed trade outside of the conglomerates is an endangered species.

The same goes for our High streets. One by one shops in town and city centres are closing. There is no such thing as a specialist retailer anymore. They’ve all gone – forced out of business by Tesco, Asda, Sainsburys, Morrisons and Co. Even your local butcher, grocer, baker and newsagent has been forced out by pocket sized version of Tesco and Sainsburys. For what? Service and savings? No, Tesco Metro charge more than their big brothers for everything. The difference is that people see the sign and assume that it’s cheap. “Every Little Bit Helps” put the small man out of business.

Progress eh?

Ciao For Now,


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  1. Tis a massive shame. Burry Port has clung onto its independent traders ( butcher, bakery, various pubs, bric-à-brac, bike shop etc) but that’s soon to be annihilated by the arrival of Tesco. Having said that the small traders also do themselves no favours by closing early if it’s a bit quiet and having half day opening on a Tuesday. Will be a damn shame when the corporate giants turn up though.

    • You’re right Becky. The retail giants are killing towns and taking away people’s lielihoods in the name of progress.

      Huh! Progress, don’t think so…..

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