Posted by: docdenbow | February 9, 2014

Bigfoot – The Hide And Seek World Champion

I have watched Discovery Animal Planet’s programme Finding Bigfoot from the very beginning, the first episode back in 2011. I’ve now seen each and every episode that’s been broadcast – about 50 in all and I have found them all to be oddly compelling viewing. It’s a morbid fascination for me because I know week on week just what will happen.

Dick Dastardly

In many ways it reminds me of Wacky Races and how Dick Dastardly and his sidekick Muttley would fail week in and week out to win a race. Dastardly always managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory whereas the Finding Bigfoot team invariably snatch defeat from the jaws of, well, defeat. I find that their optimism and faith that one day they’ll get indisputable evidence of the existence of Bigfoot somehow touching. Despite zero evidence, the cast of Finding Bigfoot believe in Bigfoot with a zeal that borders on religious.. When it comes to Bigfoot they would tell you it exists and go on to say –

“It’s a scientific fact: there’s no real evidence for it, but it is scientific fact.”

{To paraphrase (or steal) a quote from Chris Morris’ “Brass Eye”}

Given the paucity of evidence then why is there such a large number of Americans who believe in the existence of Bigfoot? Is it a case of people wanting Bigfoot to exist so their objectivity is skewed. It strikes me that there is no middle ground when it comes to the search for and research of the whole Bigfoot business. You either think that the whole thing is a joke or believe (just about) every sighting and add “facts” to make the evidence more robust. Aside from Ranae the resident skeptic of Finding Bigfoot it seems that the “experts” Matt, Cliff and Bobo are ready to accept almost any report as genuine for the simple reason that the people they are interviewing don’t seem to be the type to tell lies.

I’ve had a few thoughts about the sightings evidence. In fact I’ve done a little digging on the internet and come across the a psychological phenomenon called Pareidolia. A very clever chap called Carl Sagan “hypothesized that as a survival technique, human beings are “hard-wired” from birth to identify the human face. This allows people to use only minimal details to recognize faces from a distance and in poor visibility but can also lead them to interpret random images or patterns of light and shade as being faces.The evolutionary advantages of being able to discern friend from foe with split-second accuracy are numerous; prehistoric (and even modern) men and women who accidentally identify an enemy as a friend could face deadly consequences for this mistake. This is only one among many evolutionary pressures responsible for the development of the facial recognition capability of modern humans.” {from Wikipedia}

Doesn’t that explain many sightings? Shadows in the woods misidentified as living creatures with human characteristics?

To me the argument would go something like this. Just about everyone know what a Bigfoot is supposed to look like, you know 7 >> 9 foot tall, hairy and with an ape like or even human like face. That sets the scene. Here we are, me and you, out for a stroll in a wooded area that is known to be Squatchy, when we hear some funny noises. You grab my hand (if you’re a foxy chick that is) and gasp in fear,

“What’s that?”

Meanwhile Denbow Squatch hunter supreme stands still and listens whilst signalling to you to do the same. Hearing only the sound of our own breath our eyes comb the adjacent trees. You squeeze my hand tighter and point,

“There! Look! What is that?”

I look where you are looking and see nothing. Then I look again and see an indistinct shadow, a shape behind a tree. I slowly reach for my camera and as I bring it up to eye level find that the shape has disappeared. You let go of my hand, trembling, and plead to leave the woods and head back to the car, the town, people and safety. If you are a foxy chick my coolness in the presence of a Squatch may enhance my chances of a shag. If you’re a bloke you’re probably ashamed that you wanted to hold my hand and plead with me not to “tell the guys.”  Me, being a level headed sort gets right on the phone to Animal Planet and the BFRO to cop some cash for appearing on Finding Bigfoot.

Bigfoot, as imagined by a Canadian artist.

Simply put Bigfoot is not real. There’s no credible evidence out there at all. None whatsoever. Take food for example.The average Bigfoot “sighting” puts our hairy chum at approximately 7 >> 9ft tall and at 500-600lb in weight. The problem here is that such an immense creature cannot be eating enough food to survive, because the impact on the food chain would be. Scientists have proven that sasquatches would need to number in the thousands to sustain themselves over the years through breeding. If these thousands of creatures are all packing away 5,000 calories worth of meat every day, where is the deficit in the animals/plants they are eating? We’re also expected to believe that these hairy dudes get by on just fruit and berries as well. Considering even a slight drop in the population of any given animal (or plant) causes large reverberations through the food chain, the statistics simply don’t add up.

Then there’s fossils, or lack of them. There has never been any fossil record of a large mammal resembling the Sasquatch in North America – despite the same soil preserving everything else that ever lived in the area, including dinosaur bones. Just imagine that there are thousands of giant ape-men roaming around North America.

Surely such creatures would leave us at least one piece of indisputable physical evidence? Surely there’s something, right? Well – there’s been no bones, hair samples, blood samples, skin samples, or any DNA evidence of any kind. One hair would provide enough DNA to prove a new species existed. Taking it further, who’s ever found a dead Squatch? More to the point has anyone ever killed one? Apparently there’s a $1,000,000 bounty on ol’ Squatchy’s head. I’m surprised it’s not been collected by the gun happy American hunting fraternity. Failing that an anaesthetic dart and a bloody big cage, that would do the trick.

I wish I believed in Bigfoot, I wish I believed in a lot of things.

I don’t.


*Next time out I’ll tell you why I do believe there IS a Squatch out there*

Ciao For Now,


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  1. Check this out Doc,

  2. […] The Hide And Seek World Champion […]

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