Posted by: docdenbow | February 5, 2014

Extreme Alligator Ice Car Duck American Swamp Storage Auction Pawn Bounty Hunters


Whither American reality TV? Surely soon they will run out of nutters and social derelicts with no teeth, tattoos and way too much money to put on Cable TV. These shows are supposed to give you an insight into the American way of life. You know give you some idea of sort of people they are. You watch the show, you see what kind of people are in that line of work and you come away educated.

Right?

Wrong!

Dog-and-Beth-dog-and-beth-on-the-hunt-

If you’ve ever encountered Doc Denbow before (Denbow to my friends) you will know that he views many of these shows on a frequent basis. The more caring individuals that care about him have offered help, guidance, even counselling to help break free from the evil clutches of these shows. The problem is that an addict has to want to stop, the desire to get “clean” comes from with – I have no desire to get “clean.” I love my life surrounded by crisps and tinned burgers, half a loaf of value bread covered in several inches of high fat margarine, or failing that lard, and several litres of Heritage (shit NISA brand, but cheap) high sugar and caffeine rich cola watching my heroes. I loll in my chair, in my heavily stained tee shirt, gnarly tracksuit bottoms from Primark, baseball cap (car boot sale) and staring past my hairy feet and the 42 inch wishing I had the guts to get a tattoo or the ability to grow a goatee.

Right Denbow! Let’s do it!

Time to shape up or ship out. If you are gonna get into “Extreme Alligator Ice Car Duck American Swamp Storage Auction Pawn Bounty Hunters” >> starring Duane and Beth Chapman , what do you need to do?

Well………..

  • Get to the gym. Pecs and abs are important. (and you are a bit of a chub Denbow)
  • Get to the dentist and spend the value of the house on cosmetic dentistry. (You’re scared of the dentist)
  • Get a bit of a tan, not orange more of a healthy glow. (in Swansea? You’re having a laugh!)
  • Get a few tattoos, or a but don’t go overboard. (You don’t like pain, no matter how slight)
  • Tight frayed, slightly ripped Levis. (Got ‘em. Need to slim down a bit) and black ripped(ish) old Led Zep t shirt (got an ancient Diamond Head one that’s faded)
  • Cowboy style boots. (Got ‘em. Need to get to the Market to get heels mended)
  • A bandana to cover your BP (bald patch) or shave your head. (Need to check size of BP – decision pending, have a couple of trilbys a la Sinatra)
  • Excessive amount of jewellery, chains, rings, bangles (easily arranged!)
  • Original Wayfarer Ray Bans (got some fake ones)
  • A Hog (no not a bloody pig! A Harley Davidson) (Boo-hoo. Want one and can’t afford it)

On the final requirement I feel that I must point out that I have held motorcycle for several years. I passed my test 30-6-1977 so sod off you thinking I’d have to do a CBT to ride one.

2005 Dyna Super Glide Custom.

Right, apart from the cosmetic dentistry and the Harley I could sort out the others without spending too much cash. When it comes to the teeth and the bike I think I could hire a bike until I made enough dosh and the teeth, I’ll think of something. After all of that I have to now to pitch the basic outline of the show to whatever channel is crazy enough to give me $$$$$ and lots of ‘em.

So gone is the stained tee shirt, gnarly tracksuit bottoms in the bin, baseball cap given to a passing derelict and feet newly waxed in my new gear stride my hired Hog I head off to the History Channel to pitch my show.

Executive Producer time for Denbow, the bucks will soon be rolling in.

Ciao For Now

Denbow

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Responses

  1. So now I get the tattoo reference. Do you also need an uncanny eye for valuing piles of junk and assessing potential bounty of random fugitives?

  2. […] Extreme Alligator Ice Car Duck American Swamp Storage Auction Pawn Bounty Hunters […]


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