Posted by: docdenbow | December 9, 2013

Capricorn Crashes Into Aquarius

It’s under three weeks to go before we all lurch haphazardly into 2014. Once more the population of the UK, and probably many more countries besides, will make drunken resolutions to stop smoking, drinking, exercise more, lose weight and to generally try to be a better all round sort of person. A recent survey (that I’ve just made up) has found that approximately 100% of New Year’s Resolutions are broken before Capricorn crashes into Aquarius. Go on tell me me that this survey is wrong – I dare you.

Have you ever managed to stick to a New Year’s Resolution?

I know for a fact that I haven’t. For years I planned out what I needed to do to improve my life and how I would implement these changes. However, every single year I awoke thick headed, befuddled and confused on January 1st, due to an overindulgence of alcohol, yet realizing that I liked smoking, drinking, not exercising and lying back on the settee stuffing my face with pasties and crisps whilst watching whatever rubbish appeared before me via the Cathode Ray Beast (that was rented from Radio Rentals) that lurked in the living room.

No my friends, New Year’s Resolution’s are not for me and I’ve deluded myself in the past when I’ve thought that maybe, just maybe that a resolution made on 31st December could change my life. Okay so I’ve never stuck to any so if I had who knows what I’d be by now. A musclebound teetotal anorexic, for example? A long distance runner? Well maybe none of those, but one thing I can say for sure is that I wouldn’t be any happier than I am now and I wouldn’t be any (alright not much) thinner. You see without waiting for a change of year, I have given up smoking, stopped drinking, exercising a little (taking the hound for regular and frequent walks) and rationing the pasties and crisps. I still watch trash TV, but now the trash is of an even lower standard than it was in years gone by – so even that has got better (if you get what I mean) than it was in those halcyon days.

On a strictly personal note there are, of course, things that I’d like to see come to fruition in 2014. These things are not Resolutions but hopes, dreams and desires. It’d be nice to win the Lottery, but having stopped doing it when the price of the tickets doubled then there’s little chance of that. Therefore I think the likelihood of ending the year buried under an avalanche of cash is slim, but of course you never know. I will keep on blogging and trying to improve the content and quality of the stuff that I share here. I think what I need to do is focus on a style instead of jumping around and writing posts that, like this one, essentially repeat sentiments and paraphrase what has gone before. To me that will be more difficult than the actual writing of the blog itself.

Then there’s the *novel* I’d like to complete the bloody *novel*.

The concept is nearly fifteen years old now and it’s really and truly no further forward than it has been at any stage since I first started thumping at the keyboard all those years ago. Perhaps I should stop thinking that I’m ever going to finish it, or even finish anything like a *novel* and give the whole notion up as a bad job. Yet for all that, I’m kind of pinning my hopes on a young lady called Hannah who has said said that she’ll read the work in progress and tell me what she thinks. I hope she does and I hope that her appraisal is honest. It seems that I’m clutching at straws with this as I seem to be a bit needy, desperate for praise and reassurance.

My confidence as a budding *novelist* is at an all time low and I’m thinking that once the Christmas Festivities are out of the way that I should put the fifteen year old millstone out to pasture and start on a new project, something that I can feel genuinely enthusiastic about. I just don’t know anymore. Aside from the *novel* I’ve messed about with, I’m totally bereft of ideas as to what I could write a *novel* about. Can’t think what to write about. I cannot and will not call it “writer’s block,” because that implies that I’m a novelist who is struggling. As it stands I’m just a bloke who wants the finished article without putting in the hard graft. They say “write what you know about,” but I’m not sure that I really know anything about anything that anyone would spend any time wanting to read.

Anyway enough of the morbid misery……………………………..

Not unlike New Year’s Resolutions that we don’t make, Mrs Denbow and I do not really exchange much in the way of Christmas or birthday presents. If there’s anything that we want, then we buy it when we want it rather than put up with an interminable wait caused by the promise,
“Ooh I’ll get you one for Christmas!”
One thing about Christmas presents that I can’t stand is the false gratitude that you have to show when someone (usually someone you detest and is indifferent to you) gives you a present you don’t want. You force a smile and utter those immortal words that are in everyone’s Festive vocabulary,
“Thank you, but you really shouldn’t have bothered.”
When I end up saying this, I really mean it. What I’m actually thinking is along the lines of
“If you think three pairs of socks that I know for a fact came from Poundland as part of a multi pack of twelve is the best you can do, then really forget it. Don’t bother again. Please.”

Problem is she’ll be mightily pissed off if she wakes up on Christmas morning and finds that me and Daisy (the dog) haven’t bought her anything.

I’m open to suggestions….maximum price £30

Ciao For Now



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