Posted by: docdenbow | September 15, 2013

The News! La La La! I Can’t Hear You!


I’ve decided I’m not going to watch the news anymore or at least close my eyes and stick my fingers in my ears going “La la la! I can’t hear you!” until I think there’s a good chance that all of the evil stuff that’s reported has gone away. I just don’t have the time, or if truth be told the inclination to spend hour after hour reading up on the background to the “Big Issues” of the day so that I can make an informed decision as to what side of the fence I should come down on. It’s far easier to say that you have not given the matter much thought and repeat the mantra

“Military intervention is not the only strategy.”

That usually works and works well. There’s usually some uprising or civil unrest going on abroad that Obama and Cameron are banging on about. Me, I just don’t want to join in with the the playground bullies, the self appointed World Police. Like I say chanting this mantra usually works well when I’m asked my opinion on world matters. Yet a couple of days ago I was sipping some vile lager in a gastro pub with some odious cretins who purport to be my friends when my mantra didn’t really help me.

Not at all.

Not even slightly.

It should have made me look a bit of a twat or maybe funny in a deadpan kinda style. You can judge yourself as I’ll tell you what came to pass. These morons were banging on in their wittering whiny way about this and that and I was bored. Bored sh*tless fed of hearing the words Newsnight and Paxman intrude on my private thoughts. In fact and my mind began to wander and I was thinking of all the things that I could have been doing instead of listening to the stream of nonsensical jabber. I thought of books on my Kindle, music on my iPod, paint that I could observe drying. I was missing out on all of these things just being with these oxygen thieves. I was weighing up the options in my mind, could I go for a p*ss and not come back.? I could make a (bogus) phone call and tell these creeps that I was required to be elsewhere. I was even considering nipping up to the bar and hitting on some man mountain’s girlfriend in the hope of being ejected, but decided the risk of me being beaten to a bloody husk to be too great. She might even turn out to be his sister and I’d maybe end up having to go back in her flat to bang her brains out.

I was brought back from my daydreaming thoughts by Crispin* (yes that is his real name) tapping my arm gently and asking,

“What do you think Denbow?”

As I’ve already said as a disinterested sort I just chanted the mantra as children of yore would chant the times tables,

“Military intervention is not the only strategy.”

It didn’t go down as I expected. Usually even the most intelligent of my acquaintances will nod their heads at the profundity of my comment. There was no nodding, just blank looks amongst this posse of intellectual pondlife. Apparently the question was nothing to do with the situation in Syria. It was about Nick Clegg and the Lib Dems. The question was apparently along the lines of,

“What would you do if Clegg and Co still held the balance power after the next General Election?”

You can surely guess by now, mes amis, just how I answered the question. Usually I would have been totally embarrassed were it not for the fact I have seen more intelligence in the dog crap I have to pick up when I take my little doggie for a walk. 538694_10151492341325262_737940261_23656087_1953025359_nThese morons are truly so ignorant of the nuances of modern comment and comedy then even my faux pas was met with blank stares. I mean if they had half a brain between them they could have seen the humour that was delivered deadpan even though I wasn’t trying to be funny. When I think that Crispin and Quentin** et al are my friends, it makes me realize just what a sad f*cked up loser I really am having terminally thick friends.

“Ah” I hear you cry, “If they are that thick how can they discuss politics?”

The answer to that question is simple. Very simple. Just like them.

They Vote Conservative!

Ciao For Now,

Denbow

* Not his real name

** Not his real name

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