Posted by: docdenbow | May 26, 2013

Scoop Denbow – Football Writer Or Opinionated Old Git?


When I was a kid at school, I like many others was given careers advice. The bloke who did the careers advice was one of the teachers. He had a female counterpart (it was a co-ed Grammar School in Wolverhampton, you work out which one) who offered careers advice for the girlies. Looking back I realize that this well meaning fellow has left an indelible blank in my memory. It’s not that this teacher didn’t try to help, he handed out leaflets from local employers, told us to pass our “O” and “A” Levels and that was about it. He was, however, spectacularly unqualified to offer any advice outside of the world of academia. He’d gone to primary school, he’d gone to grammar school, breezed his way through university, perhaps even picking up a post graduate teaching certificate and then it was straight back to school. In my (not so) humble opinion that type of background does not a careers advisor make. Had this gowned goon (my teachers all wore their university gowns in the classroom) had any gumption, wasn’t completely gormless and had the gift of foresight, he would have said to me,

“Denbow, you train as a journalist. You’d make a good one. For example you’d make a better job of writing about football in 2013 than the bloke who writes for the Express & Star will do.”

Would I have listened to the prophecy? Of course I wouldn’t and that is what makes life so frustrating. I see numerous examples of lazy and frankly p*ss poor journalism in everything from the local papers to the red top tabloids and beyond to the “quality” press who employ rather odd coves who love to write about such “interesting” topics as the plethora of coffee shops in Kensington and Fulham and describe celebrity drunks and addicts as “characters.” My grasp of of grammar is pretty good and I’m usually bang on certain where apostrophe’s go, yet I see examples of slang being used in serious news articles and wonder if that is because the journo is stupid or because he has been requested to dumb down for the semi literate readership of the rag he writes for.

They really should of employed me. I could of writed better that what they do.

“You don’t understand. I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am, let’s face it.”

So if I was to given a job as a journo, what would I want to write about? There’s really no choice. I don’t believe that there’s any room in this day and age for a character like “Scoop Denbow,” especially since Leveson, so I’d have to do whatever the editor says or pick up a P-45. Do I have the skills? It’s pretty obvious that a journo needs to be able to write factually and precisely without bias on an event or events. A good journalist also needs to avoid jingoism and writing in an inflammatory manner serving to reinforce prejudices and xenophobia. I believe that I could do that, so a job with the Daily Fail is most certainly out of the question. In fairness I’m not sure that outside of football I’d make a good journalist. I don’t have the patience or stomach to sit in a courtroom listening to the details of some horrid crime and then return to the office to write it all down and in doing so publicizing pain and suffering to pay my wages.

When it comes to keeping the proverbial ear to the ground regarding football, or indeed any subject that I know something about then I think I’d be pretty decent journo. However, let’s say the Express & Star sacked Tim Nash (I can but dream) then if I had his job would I be writing the turgid nonsense with which he fills the back pages and the website. I’ve read many of his “articles” and have shaken my head not in wonder, but disbelief just how bad and fawning to the Chairman and Chief Exec they are. These pieces are so Very ‘Umble and obsequious I wonder what the point is of him writing them. Is he frightened to tell it like it is? I would have loved to see Tim write an in depth piece on the spectacular, yet lemming like, season. Someone once said, “Print and be damned,” but had the Express & Star and Tim Nash actually done that would Cap’n Morgan have made him walk the plank and never allow him to set foot upon the good ship Molineux again?

Probably.

From the viewpoint of the Express & Star it would be difficult to compose a piece that would express the feelings in the city, the frustration felt regarding the seeming inertia and the intransigence coming from the senior management of the club without whipping the lunatic fringe into a metaphorical feeding frenzy. Every damning article and quote I’ve read about the sad decline of Wolves and criticizing the “status quo” has come in the form of “interviews” with ex-players like Don Goodman and Mel Eves, little or no editorial response has been forthcoming from Express & Star and especially Tim Nash.

Finally to end this I emailed ol’ Tim at the the E & S, guess what, ignored. Guess what else, sent him a couple of Tweets. You’ll never guess what. Good ol’ Tim ignored those as well.

Perhaps the quality of my writing about the plight of Wolves is making him jealous.

Ciao for Now,

Your Ever Conceited Denbow

P.S. If Tim has written an in depth article, then I apologise and ask that someone sends me a link.

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Responses

  1. Hahaha, this is brilliant mate. I love it! Tim Nash is like many of the journalists at the Express & Star, he thinks he has value or importance, without writing like he has to have journalistic responsiblities (to his readers.) Martin Swain is almost as bad. In my experience (that I don’t really want to go into anymore) many of the employees of the E&S think that they are some big wigs in the world of reporting based on nothing more than the fact that its the biggest read regional newspaper in the UK. They all have that Alan Partridge mentality “biggest regional paper makes me the biggest regional reporter” and they ask people questions and then report a tenth of what they say and twist it to fit their own news agenda regardless. My advice to you mate is simply this: Keep writing, and keep away from journalists. They aren’t interested in offering help to the likes of us. They see bloggers as the e-gutter press. The internet has weakened their positions and importance and they can’t stand ordinary people like us taking some of the thunder and readers for ourselves. Then they have the cheek to constantly write stories based on Facebook and Twitter occurances because they are too lazy to leave their desks anymore and go out and find real news, instead reporting utter shite from social networks. Just keep doing what you are doing mate, as all bloggers should, and watch them squirm and get more and more desperate to look important and relevent. The internet has killed TV and its slowly killing print media that refuses to move with the times. We’re at the forefront, regardless of what we say/write. Let these dinosaurs try and catch up. Peace!

    • Well we do try to agitate and pontificate and cogitate.

      Yet above all other things we tell OUR truths

      If we’re wrong so what? We are not accountable for our opinions, writing doesn’t pay our wages.


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