Posted by: docdenbow | May 4, 2013

Reality TV Or Trash TV – American Style


I can’t write about Wolves today, or perhaps anytime soon. Although it was obvious to see that the day was not going to end well even before it started, it is the finality of seeing the result and it’s ramifications printed out in front of you. I can’t really collect my thoughts on Wolves at the moment so I’ll write about something else…………………….

I’ve decided that I am a very faddish sort of chap. I’ve spent the last few years desperately seeking a hobby. Something that I could enjoy, would enrich the soul and stimulate the old grey matter. I’ve been writing here since January 2011 and have published about 200 articles in that time. I suppose that after 2 and bit years that I must enjoy this, and even if I say so myself, I think I’ve got a better at writing. The biggest problems I get with all this blogging is finding stuff to write about and not regurgitating stuff I’ve written before. I’d find it easy to write post after post as to why the Finding Bigfoot team are unlikely to ever find bigfoot or how Storage Wars is an obvious setup from start to finish.

I’d love to write about TV and the media all the time as I feel that I can see things there that need to be brought to the attention of the world or conversely just to take the p*ss. You’ve only got to glance at the websites of the newspapers to get a tiny teeny weeny idea of just what I’m talking about. Non stories about people and things that will only be of interest to the people and things that the piece relates to. If I see another piece in the Daily Mail telling how much state Benefit some or other miscreant or the paper’s version of a social deviant actually receives – well I shall do something rash, like drive to Llangennith and throw a pebble into the sea.

Television is just as bad. Have you ever watched CNN? It’s terrible even if you manage to avoid Piers Morgan. The amount of commercial breaks is truly and frankly f*cking staggering.
e.g.
“President” *ad break* “Barack” *ad break “Obama” *ad break* “We’ll rejoin this story in just a few moments” *ad break*

Then the news stories reported are so antiseptic with no bite there at all. It’s not just CNN. The comments that all the stations make on the actions and no actions and reactions of our wonderful Politicians, well they are non existent or outrageously fawning and sycophantic. I want my own current affairs telly programme, I know what I want it to be called as well. I could invite everybody (a few at a time naturally) to appear, not just politicians…….

“Hello I’m Denbow and my guests tonight are Tony Blair, Alex Ferguson, Nick Clegg and Ricky Ross of Deacon Blue.”

*Rapturous applause over theme tune of Metallica’s “Enter Sandman”*

I look straight into Camera 1 and say the show’s title and tagline,

“And my first guest tonight on “On Answer The Bloody Question, Will You?” is…….(insert name of famous person with something to hide

Now I don’t know about you, but I reckon that’s a bl**dy winner, can’t fail, especially if we can stump up a bit of appearance money and chain the b*st*rds down to stop them legging it at the first sign of trouble. Any of the gits who turn up plugging a vacuous book or a turgid CD or refusing to answer the probing questions could be dropped in the middle of Exmoor without a mobile phone, but in possession of Trevor Beer’s wonderful book “The beast of Exmoor: Fact or legend?” and a torch with no batteries.

It’s just what telly needs these days, it’s needs the edge. It’s got too safe and there are far too many “Celebrities” protected by PR men and the legal profession otherwise their dirty laundry would be hanging from the figurative washing lines of Wapping. We need to see that laundry.

It’s not just the news though. No not at all. In my 100% stupidity I thought multi channel TV and Premium subscriber channels was going to be a really good thing. I now realize that outside the BBC and ITV, Channel 4 and Channel 5, all of the other channels show the same programmes over and over and over again. It’s possible to watch the same episode of Storage Wars about 28 times in a week if you sleep. Same goes for Storage Wars Texas. In fact the repeat scenario applies to just about everything that shown. What makes it worse I usually only remember I’ve seen a particular show just after the ad break. I mean, programme after programme of the mighty Dave Hester shouting “YUUUUUUUPPPPPP!” does tend to merge into one rolling lump of consciousness.

I have, however, found another gem of trash TV that I must share with you. It’s called Hardcore Pawn. (Pawn as in selling stuff – a posh Cash Generator) It is owned and run by Detroit hardman/madman Les Gold. He is super-tough. Mind you, I would be if I had his security chaps with me at all times. Raving loonies in the main make use of Les’ pawning facilities. Their stupidity and aggression is matched only by their stupidity and aggression. Occasionally someone normal will turn up trying to sell some valuable item, and Les will do his level best to rip them off. The real star of the show is the rather dense Seth, Les’ intellectually challenged son who graduated from the University Of Michigan and was pursuing a medical career. (what as a specimen?) This drongo is a sad indictment of the American educational system as he is epically and unequivocally thick. As evidence of this, just look at him – proof positive. It’s on at stupid o’clock on the Bio channel, just do a series link on your TiVo and slob out when you’ve got a few episodes.

There’s another one that’s altogether more sedate, and dare I even whisper it, educational? This is about a Pawn shop in Las Vegas and this prog is called Pawn Stars. Rick Harrison the boss seems like a nice enough chap and if he really knows everything he says on TV then he makes Stephen Fry look like a dunce. That being said the real star of that show is Chumlee – I’ll say no more about Chumlee except that he is truly great – watch and learn. Think it’s on The History Channel.

Ciao for Now

Denbow

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