Posted by: docdenbow | January 18, 2013

Spitting, Smoking, Knuckle Dragging Oiks Who Are Thick


I am, like Adrian Mole, someone who considers himself to be an intellectual but also realizes that he’s not very clever. I am also a snob of the first order and feel from time to time to be surrounded by oiks and yobs of all ages who exude absolutely no class whatsoever. I find that some things I observe in “real life” and see on the glowing panel of joy and information in my sitting room, to be of such a base nature that bile rises from my alcohol shrivelled liver. I don’t understand why people, and I’m not entirely ruling women out here, find it either necessary or acceptable to deposit their sputum on the pavements when they amble along knuckles dragging or when they congregate in groups comparing tattoos outside of the traditional place for daytime scum Wetherspoons smoking Lambert and Butlers.

Indeed they appear to be a species apart, the males distinguished by ill fitting track suits topped off with a baseball cap advising any of that the literate amongst us that they are keen on some baseball team in the United States. The female of the species is recognizable by the unfeasibly high number of peircings in both ears, the tightest ponytail in the history of the modern world and the wearing of track suit bottoms (or leggings if overweight) and a “sexy” vest. The male and female adorn their feet with latest in sports footwear which assists in getting away from security when they go shoplifting in Poundland.

The breakdown of modern civilization can be attributed to the hero worship of Wayne and Waynetta slob from the Harry Enfield TV show, reality TV, the desire for fame with out talent and most importantly the decline in grammar used by the uneducated thick populace.

This little list below can be found all over the web and just about sums it up

It’s “I couldn’t care less.” “I could care less” means that you actually do care.
An apostrophe is never used to form a plural.
“Literally” means it actually happened, not that it figuratively happened.
“Loose” and “lose” are two different words.
“Your” and “you’re” are also two different words.
“Their,” “there” and “they’re” are actually three different words.
“nonplus” does not mean what you think it means.
“Affect” is a verb. “Effect” is a noun.
“Should have” is correct “should of” proves you’re thick
“It’s” is short for “it is” and “its” means “belonging to it.”
“Irregardless” is not a word.

Finally there’s the phenomenon of text messaging but we’ll leave that for another day

I must be getting old and turning into a grumpy old man

Ciao For Now

Denbow

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Responses

  1. Good read. A little harsh in parts. Being poor at spelling and grammar does not make you a knuckle dragging oik. I believe Sir Alan Sugar to be a good example of this. You only have to follow him on Twitter to see that he is not particularly great in this area.

    In saying that, “txt” speak grinds my gears. I detest it. It was understandable back in the early days of text messaging, when each message cost 10p to send. Twitter is similar, with the limited character allowance for each tweet being held accountable for all sorts of grammar crimes!

    One thing I would like to pick up on. The last sentence of this blog needs amending.

    Please remove the following sentence:
    “I must be getting old and turning into a grumpy old man”

    and replace with

    “I am a grumpy old man” 🙂

    • To be honest the one that gets to me most is “should of” instead of should have.

      It will drive me to homicide one day

  2. You have given me an idea for a blog… nice post man!

  3. […] Reading this blog post I was left thinking about something that is clearly happening in today’s world, the breakdown of civilisation. […]


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