Posted by: docdenbow | December 8, 2012

The Bible For The Pig Who Stays Inside

These days we barely need to step outside of the doors of our collective hovels in order to get everything we need, or think we might need, in order to carry on our meagre existence. Gone are the days when a trip to the corner shops was necessary to gather provisions from the local butchers, bakers and general store. These days we can buy meat by the metric ton, bread by the kilo and milk in veritable gallons by entering your wants, wishes and desires into website run by Tesco or Asda.

So what of entertainment? There’s multi channel TV available from Sky and Virginmedia with more programmes than there is time in a normal day to watch. Yes, it’s possible to live in self imposed solitude.

“I’m living on a land-mine
My body’s ticking away, my cartoon eyelids
And my skin, a sickly grey
And if I waited by the ‘phone line
I’d wait a couple of days so I’m here lying
On my bed, until I fade
I flick the channels one to one, I flick them through again
And all the time I’m dreaming better days”

But, and there is a but, as we live in a prison of our own making we begin to crave the company of other members of the species. However, having withdrawn from society we come to realise that no one will contact us. We don’t matter, but we do dream. We join Twitter, we sign up to Facebook. We follow random folks on the former and attempt to befriend anyone we have ever met on the latter. We join internet forums to discuss a wide variety of mentally stimulating, yet ultimately tedious and brain numbingly irrelevant and unimportant topics.

This is the spiritual nirvana that has been attained. We never need to leave the squalor of our own festering cesspit. “Working from home” was the wish, the desire, the prize – it’s what we fought so hard to win.Yet the victory has been Pyrrhic. With it has come the complete and utter curtailment of any type intercourse, social or sexual. So more and more “home entertainment” toys are bought to give us the illusion of happiness.

“And now I see no sun, I see no life behind my one-track mind
Here I need no fun, I need no time to find a new design
Move along I’m working on my 3-D TV tan
I need another show
It’s just a part of the plan
There’s only me and my TV Tan”

So there we sit in front of our PC’s with quad core processors and gigabytes of ram alternatively being a 21st Century bookkeeper and a viewer of what is known in the trade as “Adult Entertainment.” Yet as days, weeks and months pass on by we compulsively Tweet and post lies on Facebook in order to give the the illusion of our happiness to our “friends” with normal lives.

Then one day the impossible happens – phone rings! On the other end of the phone is an old friend who invites YOU out for a drink and you predictably don’t go.

“Some day maybe I’ll call you
I’ll see whenever I’m free.. maybe Tuesday, when there’s nothing on TV
20 Regal and a 4-pack
I guess I’m set for the night and anti-social, to keep in shape, thin and white
I light a smoke, and in’tween tokes, consult the TV guide
The bible for the pig who stays inside”

Ciao For Now



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