Posted by: docdenbow | September 23, 2012

Sod That I’m Gonna Watch Storage Wars


I need a hobby or alternatively I need something to occupy this mind of mine. I have an infallible tendency for bringing myself down with thoughts a little like Marvin The Paranoid Android. I think it’s because it’s a case of the devil making thoughts for idles minds to dwell on, at least it is for me. The trouble with me blogging as I do, which is basically whacking down something as a sort of timestamp or a window on how I’m feeling, is that if I have to force a post, then too much thought and too much concentration makes me look at things in a negative manner rather than celebrating them for what they are or what they were. That’s not to say I advocate wearing pink tinted glasses 24/7 but the celebration of joy is far more uplifting spiritually than dwelling on the things that make and made us unhappy.

Now the trouble with hobbies is that they can become costly and it’s no good leafing through a catalogue in search of something to do. What I’m talking about is the idea of a game changer, something that can alter my mindset. It might work for you too. I don’t want to sound preachy here but life can be crap enough without our own apathy making what free time we have totally and utterly tedious. How many of us live our lives in a limited way that goes little further than going to work (if we have a job) coming home and flopping into a chair to watch Soaps where the characters are more miserable than the viewers – except they don’t watch TV (that would be too incestuous).

So if I am going to get a (cheap) hobby, what’s it to be? Well first and foremost I need to look at what interests me most in life and can take a real interest in. Now my main interest is me. So there you go. I am going to make myself my hobby, my project, my all consuming passion. So what are my plans? How am I going to use myself to amuse and enthral myself? Well first and foremost I need to take myself in hand (not like that, I put it like that on purpose) and exercise some self discipline. I have things that I want to do but I am far too unfocused to actually do them. I waste far too much time thinking about potential pitfalls and distracting myself by what CD I’ll play when I’m doing whatever and saying “I’ll do that in a minute” or “I’ll have a coffee first.” In that sense I very rarely have any sense of achievement – and get bugger all done. Over and above all of that I’m getting on for 3 stone heavier than I was when I was at my mid 20s peak when I was a good looking babe magnet and even a brisk walk upstairs leaves me in a crumpled, dishevelled heap. So this little fat bastard is going to lose his belly and shape up or ship out.

I have been driving again since mid July and even I have lost count of the numbers of times I’ve said that I’m to wash and wax the car. I’ve looked at the weeds on the patio, dog poo in the garden, a kitchen ceiling and a whole kitchen and conservatory for that matter that needs a lick of paint and basically thought “Sod that I’m gonna watch Storage Wars.” Yes dear reader I am a lazy good for very little sort of person. Yet I will spend hours sitting in front of my laptop typing drivel like this or feeling sorry for myself and typing drivel like that or installing Ubuntu 12.04 and pretending I’m a Linux expert simply because I can install an operating system off a USB stick – whoopie do!

If I was a car I would have been scrapped a few years ago.

But I’m a Wheeler Dealer (another reality TV prog) so as I am an old classic (!) I am going to hand myself over to my mechanic (me!) and try to restore myself to my former glory. Like Mike Brewer and Edd China I am on a budget. So things like botox and facelifts (much required but too expensive) are out and a new lifestyle and self discipline will be in. I need to set myself daily targets and chores and things to do. Even it’s as simple as walk the dog, put the Dyson around, clean the car….get the idea? Well I do and it’s something I must do for my own benefit as well as for those around me.

There are times where I really don’t like myself, what I’ve allowed myself to turn into out of sheer laziness and taking the soft option, something I’ve done all of my life. Now I’m not saying a little vacuuming and painting will a new man make, but it’s a start. Then when I know I’ve contributed to the day and actually did something positive then I can sit and read or listen to Suede’s Coming Up album or even sit a indulge my fantasy that I have some talent as a writer by getting on with my novel.

You see my days are empty in many respects because I don’t try to fill them and I don’t enjoy “downtime” because there is precious little “uptime.”

That’s gonna change and as Sam Cooke sang…….

“It’s been too hard living but I’m afraid to die
‘Cause I don’t know what’s up there beyond the sky
It’s been a long, a long time coming
But I know a change gonna come, oh yes it will”

Ciao For Now

Denbow

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Responses

  1. My brother has suffered two breakdowns and for a while was in a very shaky space. He has come out of it by a) being around people that are there to help should he need it. b) everyday he has to “achieve” something, c) he logs it so that it is there to look back on so that he can see how far he has come…….

    Which brings me to your diary !!

    Keeping it up to date can be a task simply done in minutes. It doesn’t have to be a composition or a 1000 word essay. It can be just a couple of sentences it doesn’t really matter as long as it is done. Anything else then would be a bonus.

  2. My brother has also started to play guitar ant the age of 58 !! and has found an outlet by learning simple chords, and writing songs around them. His songs are very personal and I was amazed when he played them in front of me and my wife. His hands and voice were shaking but play he did. Now he visits one or two local (Welshpool area) market halls and open mics and does his thing with his £50 second hand acoustic guitar.

    His life after his marriage breakup all those years ago is in the past and his life is now just beginning.

  3. We aren’t so different. I have complete breakdowns at least four times a year. I mean it. I have damaged relationships with some of my closest friends and my family and I have to live with that because they don’t understand, and as I’m undiagnosed, so I can’t be socially allowed to be depressed or bipolar, I have to just be that odd fellow. I and you are a prescription away from being acceptable but until that day we have to keep being that ‘normal guy who does odd stuff,’ rather than being ‘that guy who does what the medical textbooks say.’ Oh how did the cavemen cope, especially without those text books!!!???

    Peace!


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