Posted by: docdenbow | May 9, 2012

Match Of The Day & The Theatre Of Dreams

Match Of The Day usually begins with Gary “F.A. Cup” Lineker telling us the viewing public about how great the games on the programme (or is it show?) are tonight. The games getting the most screen minutes inevitably are Man Utd, Man City, Tottenham, Liverpool or Arsenal. Then follows carefully edited highlights to show each of these teams are truly world beaters and that the teams are jam packed with “world class” strikers etc. What the hell does “world class” actually mean? It’s nothing more than a pair of words being hammered together to make a hackneyed adjective.

Then the game is shown, 90 minutes of preening, rolling around pretending to be injured and generally calling the referee a f****** w***** all compressed into about 8 minutes. After that follows the world’s most interesting man having a good old drone after the idiot straight man (Lineker) feeds the line,
“Well Alan what about the defence?”
Alan Hansen (for it is he) looks pained then takes a breath and begins…

“Look at the distance between the two centre backs. They’re okay here (pause) and here, but if you roll it on a few seconds you’ll see how they’ve drifted apart leaving a huge gap for (insert name of overpaid footballer here) and no ones tracking back or picking him up and players of his class do NOT miss from there. Besides that what is the full back up to? He is playing the entire 35,483 crowd onside. You just cannot win championships playing
like that.”

He trots out the same trite old rubbish week in week out and cops a sizable cheque for the privilege. Well I guess that pays the green fees and keeps the Merc on the road. Why not just get rid of these pundits who are paid to point the bleedin’ obvious and show a few more minutes football? I mean, football is simple isn’t it. Eleven against eleven, no punching eye gouging or body checking or kneeing to the head when a man is down – no sorry that’s Mixed Martial Arts – but do you get the idea. Kick the ball into the net, when you’ve got the ball don’t let anyone have it unless he’s dressed the same as you. We don’t need people telling us what an unholy balls up someone has made on the pitch.

Then we’ve got the names of the grounds or stadia. The Reebok, the DW, Liberty. All sponsored by BIG business. Man Utd have nicknamed their ground “The Theatre Of Dreams.” Apparently that king of the comb-over coined the phrase. I reckon he was talking about a curry house in Salford after he’d been out on the lash with Sralex of Trafford and the name kind of stuck. I think it’s apt right now because the only thing Man Utd fans can do in there is dream. Dream of winning the Premier League title again.

Following this we have Manish bringing you all the action from The Football League (cue yawn)………………

Ciao For Now




  1. Love the Salford curry house comment, brings to mind the old “just around the corner from this cinema” ads. Nicely done.

    • Love to see your comments Steve, good to know who my reader in Finland is!

      Stay well!!

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