Posted by: docdenbow | April 29, 2012

The Way I Feel Right Now 10:35 am

Got up this morning, about an hour ago to be precise looking forward to taking a walk in Clyne Woods and then sorting out my home network, to be following by an afternoon of writing. The weather has put paid to that. As a result of REAL wind my panel fences are a mess, one is down, another post is rocking like a bad heavy metal guitarist, and another post has hit the floor, sheared at the bottom where it was going rotten. So all in all a whoopee do start to the day. This is compounded by the fact that the gate I toiled to make with my own not so fair hands is slowly but surely taking itself apart.

The fact I can’t drive of to Wickes, or any DIY store for that matter, to get the stuff I need to “stop the rot” is all the more adding to my sense of helpless frustration. The old epilepsy means my car is sitting nice and dry in its’ garage and for the moment I am bereft of a drivers licence. Great! I don’t know, but perhaps my cycling mad buddy will come over later when the wind must surely drop and deliver me to the clutches of a DIY superstore.

These feelings of disappointment, annoyance and as I’ve said helpless frustration are made all the worse by the fact I had a crap day at work yesterday. Yup that’s right, I do in a metaphorical sense “bring my work home with me,” I wish I didn’t but I do. I think it’s in my nature to worry and fret when something at work goes awry, or people feel less than pleased with me. It’s my day off today, and I’ll probably ruin it by thinkinking about work all bloody day. I hate myself for being like that, I mean I’m not exactly a “captain of industry,” and felt almost tearful whilst trying to watch Match Of The Day.

For the first time since last summer when I  had my last epileptic seizure I can  feel the miseries creeping up on me again. I’ve tried and largely succeeded in shaking myself away from those wild almost depressive thoughts and feelings, but as I sit writing this, they’re back with a bang. The last couple of weeks have been “difficult” emotionally and last night’s and today’s events have left me feeling rather isolated as there’s bog all I can do about the circumstances except to stand still and take the brick bats squarely on the chin.

Anyway, I’ll be back later, when I’ll try to write my way back to happiness and blow these cobwebs away…….

Ciao For Now

See you Later




  1. You felt almost tearful whilst trying to watch Match Of The Day because it was going to be one of the final times you will see your poor little wolves on such a great show. Football league here you come…..

    Sorry to hear about your fence Doc – you did warn us in an earlier post you weren’t a carpenter or very good with building things – so it has been proven. Sad times.

    But chin up; wont be long and you can get out there and build, build and build once more.

    • You know damnned well I’m not not bothered about the Wolves

  2. The rain that falls can always bring down our spirits. I hope the clouds break away soon and help your discouragment. I know how it feels to not drive. Sometimes, during those months of watching my car sit in the garage, I think if I could only drive around the blook I would thrive from the few moments of regained freedom.

    Hopefully, your work will improve as you take on your next shift.

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