Posted by: docdenbow | April 21, 2012

Old Git Understands New Technology


In the last couple of weeks I have had 2 rather pleasing collisions with new fangled technology. I intend to tell you all about these collisions and what exactly they mean to me. As a person who has passed the half century, you may think that modern technology would truly baffle me. Well, you’d be wrong there or substantially wrong. Whilst as I mentioned I am a bit of an oldie, I have embraced and learned how to use and understand lots of modern gadgets. I even understand Linux as a PC operating system. Not very well admittedly, but I have run a few different flavours, erm Ubuntu, Puppy and oh yes Ubuntu.

Back to the 2 collisions. Yesterday I finally activated my Virgin Media Superhub. Lovely looking piece of kit and it promised much. The question was would it deliver? Well, back in the day I had a good old dial up modem, 56k, and that connected at all of 38k. Over the years I moved into this new fangled broadband and had a lightning fast connection of 512k (or half a mb). My Superhub was going to run at 60mb, so I decided to git it a little going over once activated.

This was via my wireless connection Wireless not bad I thought but with the ethernet cable plugged in this happened Wired Breathtaking! Now as a thought this new Superhub of mine actually delivers a speed 1097 times quicker than old 56k modem. I can live with that. I find that leap forward in just about 10 years pretty staggering, proof positive of little green men at Area 51 if you ask me.

My 2nd crash into new technology came via an altogether simpler device. Nothing fancy but in the 2 weeks that I’ve owned it has already given me immense pleasure. I am of course talking about the amazing Amazon Kindle. This, for anyone who doesn’t know is an E-Reader. A device about the same size of a paperback book and barely thicker than a mouse mat that can store a veritable library of books and you read them via the screen. (Obvious innit?) It’ll sore/hold something like 1400 books, and if you read them at rate of 1 per week it would take you just short of 27 years to read all of them. I think it’s bloody fantastic, light portable and pretty cool. I bought the cheapie for £89 and can’t recommend it highly enough.

Now the Kindle has a fantastic use for you if you travel by train a lot or are forced to mix with oiks and the lower classes frequently. This can also be useful if trying to impress some dolly bird who is not impressed by reality TV and does not have an orange hue about her. This is the basic scenario. You can be sitting in a bar, having been dragged there by the oiks from work and when making your excuses as you simply must go for the train, you permit the adult chavs to glance at your leather bound Kindle. Given that these oiks are pretty dim and have a limited vocabulary and an appalling sense of humour they ask
“Wassat Denbow? A filofax?”
and promptly fall about guffawing and spilling their pints of Carling. Such wit washes beneath me like a heavily fermented sewer and I am forced to educate the oiks that device that is bound in real leather (is their any other type?) is a Kindle that contains some of the finest literature the world’s finest penmen have ever committed to paper.
“Gis a look?”
one of the sweaty oiks implores, and I show him the folder containing 400 masterpieces of the literary art. Kafka, Solzenitzen, Dostoevsky, Leo Tolstoy and so on. Even though my oik work colleagues are dim they do realize that foreign sounding names that they’ve never heard of means they’re proper books for clever people. They are suitably impressed and I bid them farewell and head for Cardiff Central to take my daily journey back to Swansea.

I climb onto the train and head into 1st class with my 2nd class season ticket. As an aside I have perfected the
“Oh this is first class? I’m frightfully sorry, I’ll just toddle along. Which way to steerage?”
I always raise my fedora at the final question as it confirms 2 things to the “train manager.” First that I’m a little deficient in gray matter, and secondly that I’m a bit twat, harmless but definitely a twat.

Once I’ve settled I fire up the Kindle and continue reading the adventures of Mike Hammer, that hardest boiled of all hard boiled detectives. Yes the thrill of reading Spillane’s hero who has the “kill first ask questions later” sends me into paroxysms of joy. At this point I am usually thrilled when a delectable young thing slides into the seat opposite, or better yet next to, me. After nervous smiles are exchanged the comely wench will ask what I’m reading. It is here that my measurement of the lass is absolutely vital. If I judge her to be pretty even beautiful but essentially thick I’ll reply “The Da Vinci Code.” If this vision of loveliness has the appearance of having something behind her baby blues other than 6 inches of bone then I’ll reply “A Day In The Life Of Ivan Denisovich.” Don’t laugh, it usually works and I now have a season ticket to the Grand Hotel opposite the station in Swansea.

Just don’t tell the wife – she thinks I’m working late.

Ciao For Now

Denbow de Seingalt

Advertisements

Responses

  1. Very funny about the Kindle. I also have one but admitedly have less intellectual material than yourself! Haha.

    • Nice to still see on wordpress mate. Hope you’re OK.

  2. I’d love a kindle for my daily commute to Cov, but I fear the rozzers would pull me over. I was reading The Rats by James Herbert on a train from Brum to Peterborough once when a rather attractive young lady sat opposite me. I got to a rather gory bit d put the book down, she looked at me and said smiling, “the bit with the puppy’s?” “Yes” I replied thinking I was well in here, it wasn’t but I’m not gonna tell her that, eg?

  3. Doc, this was the most superb blog-post-train-of-thought Ive read. It flowed like a log flume, I was carried away man. Fair play. I was gutted when it ended so I know it’s good. Cheers mate.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

%d bloggers like this: