Posted by: docdenbow | April 5, 2012

A Script For A Jester’s Tear


As Easter is upon us I’d like to share a few thoughts with you about Life, The Universe and Everything. I may well be revisiting ground that I have already covered on this ‘ere blog of mine, but I’m going to blunder on regardless. This is likely to turn into a hippy drippy, self indulgent, bullshit posting, so I’m just warning you now.

In all aspects of our lives we are invited or have the chance to get involved in conflict. Arguments or disagreements of both a petty and serious nature. Now in the main all of our lives are personal, and as result all of our conflicts are personal. How do we deal with them? Do we deal with them coolly, calmly, with a great deal of forethought? Do we jump in with both feet forward uttering tirades of abuse? I do believe that we reserve our best behaviour for people we are indifferent to – or even detest – whilst reserving our most appalling behaviour for those closest to us – especially those that we love.

Why would that be so?

Is it because there is an unthought belief that we can “get away with it” with people we love and who love us? True friends and family are bound together by many things and do we all expect forgiveness for anything that we may do? Do we all think we can get forgiveness for anything that we’ve ever done? Mere acquaintances get to see the better side of us consistently because we are always striving for more friends and to be better liked. Isn’t it easier just to be nice to even to those who don’t like as it just makes life easier?

“Keep your friends close and your enemies closer still.”

As I get older, and have got older, I think that I have become a more rounded individual. Whilst I’m essentially the same person that I was 20 or 30 years ago I do think that I’ve improved with age. I’m more even tempered, possibly more outgoing, more tolerant of the foibles of others. I’m also far better at laughing at myself. So have I achieved some kind of Zen like state or spiritual Nirvana? No, I don’t think I have. However, what I have achieved is to recognize my failings, shortcomings and past mistakes. I can appreciate the feelings of others. I can also recognize and reluctantly accept that I have acted thoughtlessly, selfishly and without regard for the feelings of people who knew me and known me down the years. Those that I have both liked and loved.

What can I do to rectify this?

“I act the role in classic style
Of a martyr carved with a twisted smile
To bleed the lyric for this song
To write the rites to right my wrongs
An epitaph to a broken dream
To exorcise this silent scream
A scream that’s borne from sorrow.”

Do I dwell on my past? It would be easy, very easy to live my life as per Fish’s lyrics, focusing only on the hurt and pain that I’ve caused down the years. Self immolation achieves nothing, but what can be done is to do as I do on this blog is  “To write the rites to right my wrongs” and avoid my life from becoming a Script For A Jester’s Tear.

At least it makes me feel better – even if it depresses the shit out of anyone who may read this.

Ciao for Now – my little friend of Silmarillion

Denbow

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