Posted by: docdenbow | March 24, 2012

My New Imaginary Friend


I was very hopeful today today that I would be able to write something positive about Wolves and their struggle for survival in the Premier League. Humpf, no chance! It appears (haven’t seen the game yet) that once again this raggle taggle bunch of underachieving, talentless goons have once again capitulated – this time to the might that is Norwich City F.C. I have scrubbed the article I’d already written about Wolves’ spirited performance in the face of adversity – that’s now deleted forever. So I refuse to even think about football anymore and to tell you about something else that I discovered earlier in the week.

I  decided that what I need is an imaginary friend. It’s very true that in terms of real friends that my cupboard is more than a little bare, mainly due to me being not very likeable. A Black Country boy/man living in deepest South Wales, a lack of patience and tolerance and the fact that I never (well almost never) step outside my front door, unless it’s to take my little Daisy Dook (a dog) for a walk or go to work. Oh yes, I smell a bit as well and I have a criminal record for extreme violence. When prospective friends discover the last 2 “facts” about me, then whoosh they decide to pass on the opportunity of spending any time in my company. Can’t say I blame them to be honest. I mean who’d want to be bestest friends a smelly, anti social git with psychopathic tendencies? Not me for sure.

So this is where my ruse for an imaginary friend comes in. I have discovered this brilliant website that has a URL that I’d only be prepared to share with you if you were my friend. (which you’re not) The way it works is a stroke of genius and the product of a brilliant if somewhat twisted mind. You need a few things to get sorted before you take the plunge to get your brand new see through buddy.

You need a method of payment. Now this is crucial. Unusually for a website where there are financial transactions there seems to be little or nothing in the way of online security so my best suggestion would be to “acquire” a debit or credit card that doesn’t necessarily belong in the strictest sense to you. So payment method at the ready you answer a series of multiple choice questions with regards to the type of friend that you require and also some in depth questions about yourself – you know the sort of thing , name, address, bank sort code, mother’s maiden name, name of first school attended and all that guff – and after a few minutes processing you are invited to view the profiles of your prospective new best pal sand download the profile as a PDF document of the one you’re happy with. If not you can simply press “retry” or hit the “modify” button if none fit the bill.

I am currently weighing up the names on my shortlist.

Now I am undecided as to who my pal should be and would love assistance, so please vote …………….

Ciao For Now Electorate

Denbow

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