Posted by: docdenbow | March 20, 2012

Alternative Realities & Asda Halogen Heaters

Have you ever stopped to consider that your life is mapped out like it was on a piece of graph paper. You start at 0/0 on an x/y graph and proceed along it in the game of life making choices and decision, or having them made for you until it comes to a full stop and your life ends? I’m talking here about every decision that you make, everything that you do or say gets you to where you currently are in your life. Or mine for that matter.

Most of your early big decisions are made for you by your parents or guardians and they decide what school you should attend and they attempt to mold and shape your character and behaviour until you become the person they wish you to be. As you get older you start to make your own decisions as you navigate your way haphazardly across and up and over life’s graph paper or on giant infinite chessboard (or chequerboard my USA cousins!). You make decisions, you make choices, none of which are necessarily right or wrong, but they can have huge, massive, shattering influences on your life and your mind and your general mental health.

Take me for example, throughout my life I have had choices and decisions to make. All of those choices and decisions have led to me sitting here right now in a dimly lit conservatory tapping away at this keyboard in front of this laptop. Yes, that’s right each and every choice has led me here whilst my wife watches “Cowboys And Aliens” in the next room.

If at any step of the way I had made a different choice then I may not be sitting here right now freezing me bits off in a conservatory. I may be in the pub having a pint. I may be playing lead guitar in a rock band. Manager of a football team. A politician, a novelist, a criminal. I may even be dead – sobering thought that. The way your life maps out is by a series of decisions and the trouble is you can’t nip back and make any changes. If you think you should’ve gone to Uni, you can’t nip back and make sure you worked for your A Levels. Besides it’s not just that that would change and you end up with a degree, your whole life would be different. Everything. Every titchy little thing. The scar on your abdomen from having your appendix removed would be different or that there due to perhaps a different surgeon or a different diet? The finger you broke playing cricket? Magically healed.

That’s the mad thing about all this bollocks that I’m about writing here. Every dream, every wish and every possibility that could’ve happened in my sad little life is being played out somewhere. In a mad sort of way I am everything that I want to be, I am lead guitarist in a rock band,  I am a novelist, I am a philosopher. Somewhere I’m everything – everything I’ve ever wanted to be. Every ambition I’ve ever had is being fulfilled – by me or a version of me. Mind you that doesn’t seem to be so great or much consolation  when my toes are so cold I can’t feel them, cos the heating in this conservatory is a bit rubbish due mainly to the poxy Asda halogen heater.

If anyone ever offers you an  Asda halogen heater, accept it (as a gift) then smash them around the head with it as they obviously hate your guts wanted to add more disappointment and misery to your meagre existence.

Ciao For Now Cosy Toes



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