Posted by: docdenbow | March 9, 2012

Wolves Will Beat Blackburn 10/03/2012


I can, through extensive research and information received from Molineux insiders, make some exclusive revelations about the Wolves Vs Blackburn game tomorrow (10/03/2012) .

Jez Moxey, Wolves’ Chief Executive, has remained tight lipped throughout the past week, but it is clear that he and Steve Morgan have moved both heaven and earth in order to improve Wolves’ chance of survival in the top flight and grab 3 points against their fellow strugglers.. Most TV pundits agree that in all areas of the field that the Molineux are struggling for inspirational figures, and players with real top flight experience. Indeed, both Alan Hansen and Stan Collymore have been quoted as saying that “Wolves could do with a John Terry and Frank Lampard in their side.”

After listening to these quotes, my insiders tell me, that approaches were made to both Terry and Lampard,  but as soon as André Villas-Boas was sacked it was clear that these two titans would not be making their way to the West Midlands. For once Morgan and Moxey (aka Liverpool Lil and the Fat Controller) had a Plan B – but of course it wasn’t their plan B but more of that later…….. This plan was audacious in the extreme and would require negotiations with the FA if was to come to fruition. They wished permission to sign new players who were currently not registered and add them to the existing squad. With several Red Row houses sitting empty across the length and breadth of the country, Liverpool Lil felt he had some leverage if you get my drift. The Fat Controller, and David Brent lookalike, thought that making gifts of some of his copious amounts of spare hair gel make also swing things the way of the mighty Wolverhampton Wanderers.

Upon hearing of this Plan B the members apparently of the FA fell about laughing, tears streaming from their eyes. How could Wolves find decent players willing to play for them in March when they were struggling so much? The FA being game for a laugh gave the green light and none of Liverpool Lil’s Red Row houses would be required, and the Fat Controller only had to “donate” 3 industrial sized tubs of his beloved hair gel. Plan B was ready to be swung into operation. An anonymous spokesman at FA Headquarters told me, “As soon as me and the guys heard of this plan, it was so bizarre that we felt we had to allow it to go ahead just to see what would happen, where would the players come from?”

So special dispensation was given to Wolves to register additional players until the of the season.

So what pushed Wolves into continuing this highly unusual push for additional players? I have learned that an encounter in the tunnel after the Fat Controller and Terry Connor debacle of the 5-0 loss against Fulham between Liverpool Lil,  had great influence on the events of the week. TC was heard to say something along the lines of “it’s a shame we can’t source players at the moment.” Club Captain Roger Johnson mis-heard this, and spent the next 36 hours on the “sauce,” turning up pissed for Monday morning’s training session. The poor lamb got an almighty bollocking and sent away in disgrace to train in the West Park with the Under 9’s.

This conversation, however, set Liverpool Lil and the Fat Controller thinking. Taking a page from the “Gospel According To Flavio Briatore,” they set off in search of personnel to bolster Wolves’ ailing squad. They were at a disadvantage though. They know bugger all about football – but what they did know was that beating Blackburn was key to their Premier League survival. Turning to Google they began their quest for players – knowing that they had to be young and having no contract. Repeated searches gave them little in the way of hope. There was no light at the end of the tunnel, they were going to be unable to find any players. Then the oddest thing happened. An old fashioned blue Police Box appeared from nowhere in the centre circle of the hallowed turf of Molineux. From it stepped an oddly handsome young man. Once the hoo-ha had died down the young man was invited to the Board Room, where  Liverpool Lil and the Fat Controller explained the plight of Wolverhampton’s Premier League club. This young man, who really did know his football, told them he could solve the player problem if, and only if, they could ensure that these new players he would acquire would eligible to play.

As I’ve already mentioned, Liverpool Lil and the Fat Controller managed to ensure that new players would be eligible to play. This young man then ran back to his bright blue Police Box and the Box disappeared as quickly as he arrived. At precisely noon today, the box re-appeared – this time at the Compton training ground. The oddly handsome young man stepped out, shook hands with TC and then emerged 11 young men already kitted out in the Old Gold of Wolverhampton Wanderers F.C. and one of them was carrying the F.A. Cup!
“Terry,” said the young oddly handsome young man, “This is your team for the big game tomorrow, they beat Blackburn 3-0 in their last game and lifted some Silverware.”

TC was stunned, 11 new players, they looked fit enough, they couldn’t be any worse than the shower of shit he already had, so the team for tomorrow will be as follows;

1 Malcolm Finlayson
2 George Showell
3 Gerry Harris
4 Eddie Clamp
5 Bill Slater (c)
6 Ron Flowers
7 Norman Deeley
8 Barry Stobart
9 Jimmy Murray
10 Peter Broadbent
11 Des Horne

The substitutes will be decided on the day, with Matt Jarvis, Kevin Doyle, Steven Fletcher and Wayne Hennessey certain of a place on the bench. Stearman, Johnson and Berra will not be considered for selection according to the oddly handsome young man. At least someone at Molineux does know their football.

Ciao For Now Gallifreyans

Denbow

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Responses

  1. If only that could happen! Would be sweet but the Doctor needs to take them back to 1960 so they can finish the FA Cup final, cus we won 3-0 in the end! 🙂

    Nice one Doc,

    Jay.

  2. That was the general idea, that’s the team from 1960!

    If only we had Ron Flowers! Eddie clamp would have sorted out a lot of these namby pamby players as well….


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