Posted by: docdenbow | February 29, 2012

Others Find Pleasure In Things I Despise


When I was a young pup my head was filled with thoughts of cars, motorbikes, girls, music and beer. Not a lot else entered my thoughts as I lived a hedonistic and rather selfish life. Not too much different to most teenage kids I don’t suppose. As I got older my thoughts changed to my wife and kids, and how despite being in a very low paid job my wife and I could protect the children from the effects of borderline poverty. My God, when I think back to those days I realize just how poor we were. Poor financially, but rich beyond compare in many other ways. We were, and still are, a tight little family unit. In my moments of soul searching I wonder whether I buggered up everyone’s life when the kids were young by having a predilection for drinking beer and knowing (I have epilepsy and was/am taking meds) that next day I’d be fit (no pun intended) for very little, in bed until noon and usually bad tempered and devoid of patience. I can’t change the past and my mistakes, but I can look back on it with a little sadness and regret as because in those days I was not the man I am today who accepts his problem and knows his limitations.

I’ve just read the paragraph above and have noticed that it is somewhat self righteous. I don’t mean for it be so, it’s just that I want to express myself as I am now and use this this as a means of looking back and cleansing myself, or at least easing my conscience. I was rude, bad mannered, inconsiderate and worse through much of my time. I have now come to the conclusion that this was due to the fact that I had very little or no self respect due to the job I had. I think that unless you can reconcile yourself with the job that you’re doing then you can’t be happy as your job is a large part of your identity. I could never say with anything like pride that I worked in a tiny record shop in a market – simply put I was ashamed. It was not until I shook myself free of the little bastard that I worked for and the job and started again that I began to feel better about myself and was able to happily tell people what I did for a living.

Anyway, back to now. The present and all that jazz. Well in my last post I did promise not to give you a screw by screw account of my gate construction. Well I was lying……but that is something I will relate to you later.

What I want to write about is me and my attitudes. I have for the first time in my life become happy, when the occasions arise, in my own company. Enjoying just being, just….well I don’t know, but do you get my drift? I’m less judgemental and believe now if someone wants to do something or be like something – then so be it. I do believe in forgiveness and the human spirit, but I don’t feel I need to join in and I don’t get upset or feel left out at not being part of a gang. I enjoy doing things that a few years ago I would have been forced to do, or would have done them without any good grace. I’ll tell about gate (little teaser there!) in a few days and you’ll appreciate exactly what I mean.

So what’s bought about these changes in me? Well, for one I don’t drink any alcohol any more and I feel so much better and even headed because of that. My epileptic fit in July 2011 reformatted my brain and thought processes – I’m convinced – and perhaps the new pills? Well I don’t know I really don’t. Have I had some kind of religious epiphany and am now Born Again? Well no, not really. The odd thing is that now I feel I am less at odds with “Christian Values” than I did. That does not I must add make me a redneck conservative. I guess now I am becoming what I would define as a true humanist and I do think and care about people’s feelings, even though people seem to care little about mine from time to time.

I have come to the conclusion that life is too short to be irritated and annoyed and just pissed off with what goes on around you. I believe the Serenity Prayer is a good mantra to live by as it clearly points out what you can do to influence your own personal circumstances.

“God, give us grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.”

With that I’ll end my preaching

Ciao For Now

Denbow

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Responses

  1. Nice post mate. I like the Serenity Prayer too (atheist and all that, but I love it!) but instead of saying ‘God’ i just say ‘Life.’

    Take it easy fella!


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