Posted by: docdenbow | February 7, 2012

Me & Stig Know Who Richard Block & David Quayle Are

I told you regular readers of this, my blog, of my adventures in erecting a fence with the help of my beautiful assistant. Well now I’m about to move on to my next project, viz. the construction of a gate. Now this is not to be one of those flat packed jobbies from the hardware emporium of Richard Block and David Quayle. As you may already be aware I am fond of such retail outlets and have a special interest in ironmongery. I do, however, find that with advancing years my leanings in the hardware department have moved more towards locks and chains. I am unsure as to why this may be the case. Going back to the gate this is to be designed and built by odd job man extraordinaire, Doc Denbow. This will involve a bit of planning, so I’ll give you a rough idea.

Building a gate is not the easiest thing to accomplish, but if you follow a few tried and trusted tricks of the trade you won’t go far wrong. You’ll need to ensure that you have a plan, or have drawn plans. You need to do some measuring. You need to do some sawing and you need to do some screwing. You also need to ensure that you are in possession of the relevant “gate furniture” as I think it’s called. Now to paraphrase Rolf Harris here, “Can you see what I’ve left out here?” Read it back and see if you can spot the missing ingredient… Okay then I’ll tell you. You need wood and getting wood when you’re in my position is not easy. It’s also not easy to decide what wood to get, or indeed the best time to get wood and you need to decide how you’re going to use wood. Oh yes and where you you’re going to keep your wood and until it’s needed. You need also to treat wood kindly so that it doesn’t prematurely rot and need replacing by newer, younger and altogether sturdier wood. There’s a lot more more to getting and keeping wood than you first thought isn’t there?

With the weather being as it is – bloody cold – then my outdoor project of gatebuilding will have to wait for sunnier climes to come upon us. I do have an indoor wood related project. We have a rather large dining table with six high back wood framed chairs with raffia seats. They look very nice. Given the store we purchased them all from we were very surprised at the quality of the table. The same can’t be said of the chairs. They are held together by Allen bolts (?) and the bits in the chairs have one by one sheared thus rendering them useless and the chairs themselves become a little like a lucky dip in whether your ass will the chair or floor when the chair does a little depositing.

So like any truly crap DIY’er I have spent ages in trying to work out how, if at all, these chairs could possibly fixed. Then I had my Eureka moment. No siily, I hadn’t come up with a theory regarding water displacement, I worked out how to fix the chairs.
This will require :
Cordless drill – Check
Torque Screws – Check
Torque Driver – Check
Erm that’s about it.

Now tomorrow awaits with keen anticipation of my efforts to eradicate faults from the dining chairs. At least I can listen to some GOOD music whilst I’m working on them. This might just be a breakthrough in my DIY talents.

Ciao for Now Fans Of Wood



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