Posted by: docdenbow | December 23, 2011

Barry Scott Of Cillit Bang Fame & Boxing Day Sales

As this is the end of my fiscal year, what with my 40-13th birthday today 23/12, I have decided to give this my blog a little facelift. Looking in the mirror and seeing I could do with a facelift myself I have concluded that if I can’t afford to even buy any Horatio Caine sunglasses, then cosmetic surgery wasn’t going to be an option. If you guys out there who might read this, my birthday plea, want to have a whip round I’ll gladly accept the sunglasses in lieu of payment for cosmetic surgery – hey I’m not greedy.

I looked at the old layout and could see that it was too dark and drab and I found it difficult to read myself, and I knew what was there – so I’ve tried to make it look better and easier on the eye. I have been told that white on black text is easier to read if you’re dyslexic, but I can’t imagine any dyslexics creeping onto the internet to read blogs, so bugger them! I’ve also added an option that you can follow me on Twitter, but that’s just my facile attempt to get up to 1,000 followers.

As I sit here tapping away at my Asda keyboard, which is connected to my laptop via USB in case you’re wondering, I can hear the disjointed sounds of X Factor USA being skipped through on the Tivo box by wife in the next room. I think she’s skipping through to the “best bits” which to be fair are very few and far between. The judging panel seem to be even more vacuous than those Simon Cowell left behind to oversee the wretched UK version. You have Paula Abdul whose eyes belie the fact that she is no longer addicted to prescription medication. Then there’s Arnold’s daughter Nicole Schwarzenegger. She’s quite a looker even though Dad Arnie is/was a Dalek. Or was it a robot? Then we come to L.A. Reid. Now he’s a man who should be forgiven anything as he produced the marvellous “Hey Ya” for Outkast. Should be but honestly I can’t. What the hell does L.A. stand for anyway? Lard Arse? Los Angeles? Large Area? He is impossibly clean and his teeth are far too white to be real. He’s like a terminator of taste from the future.

To be fair the acts on X Factor USA don’t all look destined for Butlins or the gutter like they did on the recently, and thankfully, concluded UK X Factor. There’s this bloke Chris Rene who can’t really sing in tune that well but seems like a thoroughly nice chap, and he is at least trying to be a little different. A complete antithesis of that shitbag who was on the UK version whose name I will not sully my keyboard with – not even with a copy ‘n’ paste from Google. Ex druggie with talent Vs druggie with no talent. Which one wins? There’s only one way to find out…..FIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The approaching New Year will bring forth endless trailers for more hyped dramas, comedies and deep searching documentaries. Sad thing is that the deep searching documentaries are very often turned into a TV dinner because they are fronted by a dramatic “actor” or a “comedian.” Then we’ll get an endless diet of adverts exhorting us, the poor fat bastards who have eaten too much at Christmas, to suddenly mutate into someone with a body out of Baywatch to go to Mexico, Spain or the West Indies on a holiday we can only afford if we take out a payday loan at about 2,550% and spend the rest of lives paying it off in installments. Aah, we can at least bequest the debt to our kids, or go bankrupt and get our homes repossessed. Such are the choices in 21st century Britain.

Oh yes and before we have time to digest our Christmas dinner we’ll have some lunatic with a voice not unlike that of Barry Scott of Cillit Bang fame telling us that the sale starts on Boxing Day in some God forsaken shopping centre and we can save £££££££s! You drag yourself out bed hungover, only to stare open mouthed at the presents you bought but 2 days ago being sold for what they’re worth. Which really is F*** all!

Happy Christmas. I may be back over the “Holidays” if the tedium of crap TV starts pushing me over the edge. But as ever….

Ciao For Now



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