Posted by: docdenbow | December 21, 2011

C.S.I. Bethlehem

Ok. So I don’t know what to write about. It’s my birthday on Friday and I still don’t know what I want to say. At this time of year, with a modicum of insincerity, I should thank everyone who has passed by this disjointed lot of crappy, self indulgent rambling tat and read any of my writings. So here goes – thanks for reading guys ‘n’ gals and especially thanks to my 6 subscribers. (“Sincerity – if you can fake that, you’ve got it made.” George Burns) I wish I had more subscribers but I guess that ain’t gonna happen. I just wish more people would read what I write – I wish I got more feedback and comments. I wish, I wish, I wish, I wish…………
Yeah so it’s Christmas on Sunday and it’s that glorious time of the year where we celebrate the birth of Lord. Except for the fact that the “evidence” points to the fact that He was born no later than September, ‘cos otherwise the sheeps would have been indoors watching CSI Miami.
“What have we got?” mumbled Horatio, 
“The birth of a baby,” replied Calleigh
“The birth of a baby.” Horatio repeated.
“And the mother says that she’s a virgin” added Calleigh.
“Well,” Horatio Caine paused and thought.”What we have here is the Son Of God born to a virgin in a stable in Bethlehem.” he replaced his sunglasses and uttered “Get those sheep back behind the tape and bag and tag the TV and the remote.”
At this point massed choirs could be heard singing “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing”
Cut to the opening credits Hummers bashing through the narrow streets of Bethlehem and a couple of random jetskis girls in bikinis……you know the score.
Talking of CSI Miami I have long fancied a pair of shades like Horatio Caine wears. Yes, I am morbidly obssessed with CSI Miami and have spent many hours trawling the interweb looking for a vendor of said ocular protection devices (tinted) At last I found an online shop based in the UK selling them. It was a true “Eureka” moment. There they were –  my Silhouette 8568 sunglasses complete with a free £10 cleaning kit. Oh how I lusted after them. I looked, mouth watering, at these visions (no pun intended) of style and beauty. Even better they had 40% off the regular price. Minor snaggette though. Teensy weensy snaggette. Even with the 40% reduction these lovely, fantastic, titanium rimmed sunglasses with a free £10 cleaning kit still came in at £171.95. This would require some smart tactics and manoeuvering.
I mentioned my desire to make the purchase to my darling wife whose utterances on my proposal to purchase made me blush. One reason was the sheer irresponsibility she felt of spending the thick end of £200 on a pair of sunglasses. The other reason I blushed was the somewhat earthy language that she employed to get the message across. If dear friends, readers, fans(?), you wish to make the purchase as a birthday gift here is the link to the website have only met one person in 2011 who has the money to perhaps buy me a pair so if I  wait then maybe I’ll be rewarded. I’d consider it a karmic reward.
Moving swiftly on and talking about TV……..what the hell has happened to Charlie Brooker’s hair?  Has he had it permed or something? Or more sinisterly has he had some kind of accident with styling gel and a hairdryer ? At one time he had the look of Ricky Gervais’ oily little brother with a certain amount of low rent chic, but since his “new image,” possibly as a result of his meeting with and marriage to Konnie Huq he seems to have adopted the “dressed by a woman” look. I cannot take his cynical side swipes seriously anymore. Instead of butchering TV programmes I would expect him to be a little more circumspect these days and describe bad TV as “not very good.”
Sorry Charlie but you need to get back to what you’re best at. Looking like a lonely bloke who lives on a diet of pizza and flat lager who smokes too many fags and has loads of mates all of whom are complete and utter wankers. Come on Charlie shape up (or is that down?) I miss the old you and “Screenwipe.”
Ciao For Now

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