Posted by: docdenbow | December 8, 2011

I Don’t Want You To Go


If you’ve read any of this, my blog previously, you may have noticed that I go in for no little amount amount of soul searching. Having had a less than perfect 2011 I have spent a good deal of time pondering my past and more importantly looking forward to the future – and making plans and resolutions. Now this isn’t going to be a list of my “New Year’s Resolutions,” as all of them are pretty mundane and ordinary. Lose weight, get more exercise, start playing guitar, (again!) you get my drift? The thing I’m considering at the moment is the here and now as far as I am concerned.I may have mentioned a few times before that I’m knocking on a bit – not a kid anymore, born in the 50s as a matter of fact. ( Now that is a great tune by The Police – “Born in the 50s” from side two (!) of “Outlandos D’Amour.”) I have yet another birthday fast approaching when I will be midway between 40 and being an O.A.P. A sobering thought that – not that I drink anymore, only tea and Dandelion and Burdock so I am now permanently sober. However, for me to consider the future I find that I am considering my past.What seems like only a few weeks ago I was 21 having the time of my life without a care in the world. I had a good social life, plenty of money and a job that I loved. However, a lot of that went by the wayside when my career as a store manager with HMV ended abruptly. Job gone, money dried up and without money the social life went down the toilet. My girlfriend (now my wife) stayed loyal to me and a few years later we were married. Nearly 28 years later we are still married, so losing the job, money and social life seems to have been a pretty good trade off.
I don’t dwell on the past but  I do look back with fondness at all of my lifes ups and downs. In order to look back in the way I am talking about you must have reached that “certain” age – whatever that may be for you. This brings me to the issue I am thinking about here.What is there about men and women of that “certain” that they seem to have given up on life and look way older than their numerical age? Clothes from M&S or BHS, flowerly dresses for her – corduroys for him. I don’t wish to bang on about sartorial elegance, or lack of, as I am no Gok Wan, but come on guys and gals, make an effort. These folks were born in the late 50s or 60s when hair was long and fashion outrageous. Why are the 80s new romantics now all “pipe and slippers” merchants? Most seem to conform more than their parents ever did. I don’t think that I’m deluding myself here but I try to keep currentish in my appearance. True I’m not a svelte as I once was so certain clothes are a no no, but I do try to have my hair cut in a style that befits the era I live in as opposed to a greased back pseudo Teddy Boy look. Chinos I  try to avoid at all costs for they are the work of Satan and I prefer denim – and not those with the crotch inches above the knees.What I’m trying to say here is that I haven’t forgotten who I was because it’s essentially who I am now. I look in the mirror and no longer see the same face I saw 30 odd years ago, but the eyes are the same. Yes, those pair of windows to the soul stare right back and tell me just who I am. I’m still the boy who listened to AC/DC, Deep Purple and Black Sabbath. I still play my Led Zep and Trapeze. I still think the world has tons to offer me, and that future’s so bright I gotta wear shades.The only differences are the lines on my face, the paunch I’ve acquired, the woman I married, and the two children we have. Everything else within me is the same. Do I miss the 20 something Denbow? Yes, sometimes I think I do.

I think Mr Tyla of the “Dogs D’Amour” sums it up, except he was talking about a girl, and in this snippet his of lyrics I’m talking about my younger self.

“I don’t want you to go
I don’t want you to go away, yeah
Oh yeah, somewhere deep inside of me
Is that some boy I used to be”

Ciao For Now
Denbow
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Responses

  1. A little bit of nostalgia helps deal with the present I find Dr. D. I don’t think you’re quite ready to go gently into the good night yet!

  2. A lovely read mate. I’m with you on he eyes never age thing. I still see my childlike eyes looking at me through my glasses these days. It’s true, the shell gets older and slower but the soul stays the same.


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