Posted by: docdenbow | December 1, 2011

Facebook or Faceschmuck?

I got to thinking the other day about what is known these days as “Social Media.” That just seems to me to be a convoluted way of saying “Facebook,” in much the same way that the BBC used to refer to Coca Cola as a soft drink, or referring to a vacuum cleaner as a vacuum cleaner rather than what idiots refer to as a “Hoover.” Now I call the “Hoover” mob idiots for a more than somewhat reason. These intellectually challenged oafs can usually be found “Hoovering” with a Dyson, Electrolux, Kirby, Vax, Little Henry and probably many others than I cannot be bothered looking up. Anyway I must get back on track.

To my way of thinking, and I am always right dear reader, “Social Media” is anything but – I’d like to think of it as “Anti Social Media.” Many of the users should be tried for crimes of causing tedium and should face ASBOs or ASFOs. “Facebook” is a great idea that has got terribly out of control and the intention for its original use has become corrupted. From watching that window on the world that is The Jeremy Kyle Show, it seems that if someone posts on you or partners wall (God how I hate the term “partner” when it comes to relationships and boyfriends and girlfriends – I mean “partners” are a couple of hairy musclebound blokes who own a building firm and drink tea with 14 sugars – not a pair that share a bed – but then again?) that one of you is shagging around, then it must be true. The other thing I love about JK (no not JK Rowling) is the fact that the guests only seem to communicate with each other via text messages and that “rumours” abound on every street corner and in every household, rumours of infidelity, rumours of drug abuse, and rumours that your Dad ain’t your Dad but is really some long lost skinny toothless harridan who has a great adorning of bad body art. A couple of random piercings often spice things up.

The other thing that irritates me about “Facebook” is the boring self centred rubbish most people post there. Things like “I am going to eat a curry, nom nom” followed about 15 minutes later with, you’ve guessed it – “I have just eaten a curry.” I mean who really gives a shit? I suppose that I am pleased that these cretinous acquaintances enjoyed eating their Indian meal – but do their 687 “friends” need a virtual fork by fork commentary of every mouthful and crack of the poppadom? I don’t think so. Then there’s the list of “what I’m listening to” posted in the form of a litany of “You Tube” video links serving only to show what crap music taste so many people have. I mean can things get any lower than posting Celine Dion links? Well, what do you think?

Then we get the “check ins” via both “Foursquare” and “Facebook.” You can get some fantastic information from these check ins. “Doc Denbow just checked at the mini mart to buy Dandelion and Burdock.” I see this as an open invitation to the wider world to go to my lonely residence and nick all of my worldly possessions. After all I’ve told the world my pad is open and available for a nice bit of breaking and entering leaving me with the unbridled joy and passion of seeing all of my goods and chattels gracing the shelves of Cash Generator giving me the opportunity of purchasing my own tat for the second time.

Yes I think in life there are winners and losers and many losers can be found on “Facebook.” Yet to observe the true heights of loserdom you need to get onto Twitter. Now I absolutely love Twitter for many of the right reasons and quite a few of the wrong ones. Oh how I read with anticipation and excitement Tweets about earth shattering events from “Team Bieber” as to whether his balls have dropped yet or which one of “One Direction” has the least acne and which one can actually hold a tune. The pleasure I derive from these inane gibberings in 140 or less characters borders on the pleasure I derive from standing outside during torrential rain. Somewhat perverse. In addition to these, usually pre-pubescent bozos you actually come across people who are can be genuinely funny in less than 140 characters.

I shall update this blog again real soon with more of my own inane gibberings and try to recommend some people that you should follow in order to remain amused and enlightened.

Ciao for now




  1. I couldn’t help but feel a tiny bit of a loser as I use youtube, facebook and twitter a lot. But I try not to be a smug prick, sadly though I am. Nice blog post Doc.

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