Posted by: docdenbow | November 5, 2011

TiVo, V+, Twitter, Horatio Caine & Me

I don’t watch a tremendous amount of TV, mainly because in the evening I work until 10:30, and by the time I get home it’s past 11:00. True I have a TiVo box, and a V+ box, but what joy is there in watching quality programmes that have been recorded earlier? I would venture there is no joy in that whatsoever. Very little matches the joy of clunking through the channels to find something  that you haven’t seen several before times and matches your late night taste or isn’t totally boring like “fishing in a God forsaken place” with a bloke you would never ever want to meet especially in a dark alley one night. Then there is Big Brother’s Little Brother’s Auntie or Cousin or whatever the hell it is called.

That’s not to say I don’t watch and sometimes enjoy reality TV.  There is no shared experience in terms of TV viewing that matches watching your timeline on Twitter fill with humourous expletives about what’s currently on the box. Things like “The Apprentice” and “X-Factor” if you have your laptop on your lap, (where else) and your remote control at your elbow, become a communal experience. Distant friends often see and hear things that you don’t observe and the remarks made by assorted Tweeps make the programme really enjoyable when otherwise it would be like watching a sad bunch of wannabes pushing and climbing over each other out of the way like shoppers in the January sales. Not all TV needs company though, I enjoy many programmes more when I’m alone, others more when I’m in company, but reality TV requires a live Twitter feed.

There is a brilliant piece written by non other than Steve Brookstein (@stevebrookstein) of X-Factor fame that sums up the power Twitter over X-Factor better than I could ever do so I suggest you read that ASAP. As a result I’ll move on from X-Factor.

So what about other TV, real TV requiring scripts, actors and just a little bit of thought and planning? Does that require company in order to enjoy it and get the most out of it? Well, I would proffer the thought that comedy usually does. How many times do you laugh out loud at a comedy film or show when you are alone? The company can be strangers in a cinema, it doesn’t need to be a friend or family member, and comedy relies on the viewer not being alone so that they can share the comedic experience. Only one programme ever makes be laugh out loud when I’m alone and that’s “Mongrels” on BBC 3, a deliciously sick puppet show telling it like it is if you are part of the urban underbelly of animal society. Watch it it’s good.

I truly believe that we laugh more when in company because we want to feel part of the happy gang and don’t feel the need when we are alone. In addition we want to show that we get the joke no matter how lame it may be. True as rebellious kids we all may have laughed at even the unfunny parts of Monty Python just to piss off our parents, but we were still in a room with someone else. I suppose it’s a bit like generation after generation being told that the current pop/rock music is crap and “not half as good as when I was your age.” Cue parents banging on about Yes, Genesis, Emerson Lake and Palmer and other such anachronisms but the kids still listen to “their” music.

Drama on the other hand can be far more enjoyable when you are alone, no interruptions, no one breaking you away from the plot and your total immersion in whatever it is you’re watching. You absorb more and settled with your pop and crisps and a duvet over you as you lounge on your sofa what could possibly be better?

Now I do realize that I’ve rambling for the last 500 or so words but I really want to tell you about my guilty secret when it comes to TV drama. I feel it’s very confessional – a bit like standing up in a tight circle of cheap plastic chairs surrounded by yellow eyed forlorn looking people at a YMCA and saying “My name is Denbow, and I’m an alcoholic.”  My guilty secret and addiction is CSI Miami. There I’ve said it; it is now in open for the entire world to see. I love CSI Miami and would find it difficult to get by without a fix of this – the finest show on TV. 40 minutes (or thereabouts) of sometimes thrice weekly pleasure as I catch up on the one’s I have yet to see.

I see no irony or humour in Horatio Caine’s removal of his sunglasses and their subsequent refitting over his eyes to make a strong point to both law enforcers and law breakers. Perhaps more to the point what is remotely funny about H’s one liners? For example take these 3.

“I didn’t know they made body armour in triple extra-large.”

“Alright, be on the lookout for an Eastern European male with bad teeth who may have access to an ape.”

“Your average adult has been clocked at two-and-a-half to three miles per hour, but to my knowledge, no toddler has ever been road-tested.”

These are statements of facts in this gripping and compelling and true to life drama delivered expertly by David Caruso. Usually these lines are essential to the plot and without them the viewer would not be aware of the salient points of complicated facts about the investigation of a crime scene in Miami.

Am I taking the piss here? What do you think? Of course I am but I genuinely love CSI Miami. I think it’s great, a fantastic show. I used to think that David Caruso was possibly the worst actor in the world. Not any more. If you gave his lines to any of actor then the whole programme would descend into chaos and parody. It’s for this reason that I think DC can actually act and that unless he delivers his lines slowly and deadpan then CSI Miami would up like Police Squad. (Anyone remember that? A six episode TV series that led to the Naked Gun films)

Imagine him handling these lines…..

“I don’t believe (put on sunglasses.)…………. it.

“Nice to see you to see you (removes sunglasses)… see you……nice.

“Am I bovvered (removes sunglasses)….does this face look bovvered……?

More to the point can you imagine Gene Hunt delivering Horatio Caine’s lines? No that would be sight worth removing your sunglasses for.

Ciao For Now




  1. I’m not so with you on the distaste with recorded stuff as it’s the only way I ever catch anything (fish including).
    Company I would agree on. I’ve never felt so alone than I do now. Social media seems to have robbed the world of living entities. Once vibrant and chatty get togethers are now a distant virtual memory. I’m not even sure they happened.
    As for caruso…. He is utterly brilliant at being sh#t. I find csi a little predictable as someone always dies in the first 30seconds.

  2. I use and enjoy my TiVo. The point I was trying to make is that when I get home I invariably watch crap that’s on “now” rather than something good that I’ve recorded – except for CSI Miami of course. Not sure what category that falls into tho’

  3. I occasionally watch CSI Miami but I prefer the original or the New York version. 🙂

  4. How come none of the glamorous young assistants never shed a single hair from their flowing unfettered locks? but all the perps/suspects do!!

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