Posted by: docdenbow | October 24, 2011

Wait ‘Til I’m Dead


Well, having looked back on younger days in my last posting – the “Little Benny” post is a FYI – I am going to try to look in a different direction in this posting. Like I implied in the earlier part of my last post nostalgia ain’t what it used to be as we can lie – even and especially to ourselves. We of my certain age look back fondly to the good times we had, and gloss over to an extent the bad times that we had.

To quote Mr Tyla of the wonderful Dog D’Amour….
“Lookin’ back on the good times we had
Never thought it would turn out so bad
And all your idle silver just repeats itself
We can do better than this, yeah
Wait until I’m dead
You will see
What all the fuss was about
Wait until I’m dead
You will see
What all the shouting’s about”

I see this as a valedictory statement as a burning off the past and an attempt at building of a life away from people who rejected you. Deep and meaningful of what? Or am I reading too much into the words of a pop song inspired Tony Hancock?

Memory is such a wonderful gift that we all possess as it enriches our lives and helps us to learn from our mistakes. It’s how we interpret our memories that is important. Anyway enough of this hippy drivel and let’s get down to the job in hand.

Now I posted this February 16, 2011…………..

“It comes to something when you have a mid life crisis when you are past the point where even the most optimistic among us would see as the mid point in life – even with medical breakthroughs and stastistics proving that we all live longer. I am now of an age where I am looking down the barrel of a gun of increasing infirmity, approaching OAP status and this really is the worst, the realization that even Radio 2 plays music that is a bit too heavy for me on occasions. Giving matters some deep thought, I wonder whether at this mid life crisis point (hereafter to be known as MLCP) is something akin to puberty. For example like puberty you become unsure whether motorbikes or tragically unsuitable girls and women are the best choice for excitement. Furthermore like puberty you make outrageous boasts when you really are old enough to know better, and attempts to illustrate your boasts are not lies or exaggerations usually end up when you are at MLCP in muscle strains, broken bones, a trip to casualty and a loss of face. Of course your good friends will be sympathetic to your plight once they have stopped laughing at you; and given that this is the 21st century stopped filming you for later upload to YouTube.”

I’ve put it here as back in February the only person who even looked at my blog was me. I think I made a few valid points. The underlying message I was trying to put across is how to grow old (dis)gracefully without making a tit of yourself or starting to wear cardigans and go for a Bobby Charlton combover. I am on the mature side of 50 and am not sadly a world famous rock or media “star”. As a result of this I have to moderate my lifestyle and appearance accordingly. In addition I lack the funds of a rock star or media “personality” and any attempt to stay cool and trendy – whatever that may entail – would invite nothing but ridicule which I fancy would be deserved.

Consider this – Simon Cowell is 10 months younger than me and because of his vast fortune he can employ a plastic surgeon for just a little tuck around the eyes, a cosmetic dentist to sort out his gnashers, probably a personal trainer, dietician and the best haircare that money can buy. He doesn’t look great, he doesn’t 30 or anything but he exudes a healthy glow which considering he smokes a reputed 40 a day is no mean feat.

Contrast that with me. I have no vast fortune (yet), I disguise the bags and wrinkles around my eyes by wearing large (fashionable?) sunglasses. I have no cosmetic dentist just a NHS one and would love to go for veneers but at £2,000 per tooth let’s face it – it ain’t going to happen. My skin care is done by slapping copious amounts of after shave moisturer on my face when I remember and my personal trainer is a Miniature Schnauzer/Jack Russell cross. (AKA Schnussell)

So who is the happiest me or Cowell? Well you would think that the happiest would be Cowell as he has grillions of pounds, houses in the sun, Ferraris, Lambos and so on – and a succession of largely decorous girlfriends. Well I don’t think that happiness is a competition. I truly don’t.

HIPPY BULLSHIT ALERT

Cowell, I hope, really is happy. Even though I have called him various things regarding his dominance of TV and mediocre music but he has a right to do these things. The work ethic of hard work, ambition and a single minded ruthlessness would not make me a happy chap. The money, houses and posh cars would help. But they are not the be all and end all. Trust me they’re not.

Denbow, I know is really happy. He has a good family, he loves his wife of 27 years, has a few good and trusted friends, a schnussel called Daisy (AKA The Dook) and loves his dandelion and burdock, CSI Miami, reading good books, listening to great music and generally stopping to smell the roses as they say. Denbow loves writing and hopes that somebody enjoys reading it.

Am I lacking ambition? No I don’t think that I am. I now like to set myself goals and targets and strive towards achieving them. I am not particularly personally ambitious – I’d love to drive again and get thinner/fitter (achievable) and I’d love to see my current work in progress “novel” reach a wide audience (Hmmm tricky).

As an aside the fact that it may only be read by folks who stumble across it on the web will not stop me from writing and completing it because after all in life we all do things because we want to and any benefits that arise from these things are purely incidental. With that in mind I will complete this “novel” and I may even go back and revisit my first attempt and try to bring that to a conclusion just for my blog buddy Vicki – just don’t hold your breath on that one kiddo! The reason I probably will is that 45000 words in that and it had its’ moments and it would be a waste not to finish it, but I need to re type it and do a touch of editing here and there.

“How come every cat’s got an empty glass
Making up stories of his past
He’s just bangin’ his head against a wall that wouldn’t break
Until it’s much too late”

You gotta laugh or you’ll cry.

Ciao For Now

Denbow

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Responses

  1. I feel all famous now! 🙂

    • Well so you should! Hopefully you’ll get a mail from me soon ;0)

  2. I like you because you are a writer and I follow you because I feel we all need writers around to read us and comment, it does make it worthwhile. I’ve been writing since I was 20 and I know that I’m much happier now that I have a few people who read what I write than having none. All of them are like me, people who write. I read them, they read me, then we all shuffle off and write and get on with life only to come together online and read each other again.

    You speak of your novel that you may not finish. You know one day you probably will. I’ve been in the same situation. In 2002 I was about 15,000 words into a novel I wanted to write when my dad suddenly died. That story stopped there as I’m sure you can imagine, it was tough for a while. But eventually a few years later I dusted the story off, re-read it and started to re-write it. I got to about 18,000 words this time when again it stopped and I don’t know why. Last October I refound this second attempted and again I wiped away the cobwebs and tried to re-write it for Nanowrimo. So last November I re-wrote it and pushed the word count to 32,000 before the Nanowrimo event ended and I lost my train of thought again. I’ve still got it and I know one day it’ll be a 65,000 word finished draft. I have to believe that because I’ve put so much effort in. I may be wrong, but it’s on the do do list.

    So what I’m saying is, never stop believing. Age is no barrier to doing what you want to do. ‘Write a book or die trying,’ that is my motto mate.

    Jay.

  3. Like I tried to say in this piece I had a good crack at it about 10 years ago and blasted out 45,000 words in about a month. PC crashed and took it all with it. I have it printed so all is not lost…Crack on with yours J if only for yourself……..


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