Having touched upon the mediocre in my previous post, it’s the unerringly crap that I wish to focus my attention on, for they really do have issues that need to be scrutinized. The crap that I am talking about is “reality” TV programmes. In my opinion there there is no such thing as “reality TV” mainly because reality is boring and pretty tedious. You see when it comes to reality TV, it’s all in the edit. now I wouldn’t sully my soul by viewing the odious Big Brother, but what I have to say will apply as much to that as the ones I’m going to have a rantette about.
Where do I start? Hmm, Storage Wars seems as good a place as any. Yuuup! it really does. (I’ll move on to other examples of the American TV in later posts) To call it rubbish would be to insult the assorted tat that the dealers buy from glorified garages. It is so obviously staged in that you only see the same half a dozen twerps turn up every week (episode) to bid on somebody else’s tat. It’s destroying to watch as they bid $$$$$ for this stuff and the valuations that they put on the stuff as they empty each “locker” (think lock-up) Each and everyone of them seem to think that one man’s rubbish is another man’s passport to paradise. I would like to point out that in Storage Wars one man’s rubbish really is another man’s rubbish. Darrell Sheets the vest wearing oik with hairy shoulders takes is gormless son Brandon along with him. As they pick their way through bin bags of rotting clothes Darrell will advise the camera that some stinking garment has a designer label and…..”is worth 50 bucks all day long!”
All the time the value of the goods in the locker tot up in the corner of screen and we, the brain dead viewers, are supposed to take all of this in.. “hey, Brandon…take a look!……This is really what it’s all about, this is why I do this……$1000 easy!!” Old hairy shoulders switches from bucks to $$$$$ at a certain point, not sure quite where that is though. If these valuations are anything approaching even way off the mark and these pair of jokers can actually sell the stuff they’ve bought, then there must be a lot of not so bright American people.
My favourites in the show, however, are dumb and dumber, aka Jarrod Schulz and Brandi Passante. In order to be even halfway successful in their chosen profession there are a few very basic rules to follow. For all of my derisory remarks about Darrell he at least isn’t quite as stupid as he looks,which admittedly would be difficult. He does know when the price is not right so he packs it in. Jarrod and Brandi will just decide that their thrift store is empty and bid like buggery to go away with a lot of stuff. This lot of stuff is usually worth considerably less than they paid for it and they continually teeter on the brink of ruination.
There are other members of the cast like Vile David Hester, Barry Weiss and his assorted custom cars, dead Mark Balelo and an auctioneer with a fantastic wig and his silly bitch spouse. I won’t tell you about them. It’ll spoil it for you when you watch it. but just remember the really good stuff is planted and it’s all heavily edited and it’s all in the edit.
Ciao For Now *slugs back 3 fingers of Jack Daniels and lights a Marlboro*