Posted by: docdenbow | March 12, 2016

Should I Ditch My Denim?

My wife, the delectable Mrs Denbow, upset me last night. She informed me that the bald patch on the back on the back of my head is increasing in size. She followed up that bombshell by telling me that I’ve done well to get to my age with any hair hair at all. A bit of a double whammy if you ask me. I sat down crestfallen wondering whether I should ditch my denim, get some “proper” trousers and look at Saga weekend breaks. I’ve also realised that my summer plans consist mainly of picking up winter’s dog shit and jet washing the decking in readiness for treating it against rot.

Surely I should be planning something more than that? Okay so I’m not in my prime, but that shouldn’t mean that I should just lay down and die, huh? What I’m getting at is that although I’m not exactly super fit I’m not exactly overweight and with a little effort could get myself into some some kind of physical condition where I could do a bit more with my life than to watch endless brain rotting TV and occupying what’s left of my mind on the possibility of 4 people on the telly of actually Finding Bigfoot. What I’m getting at is the simple fact is that sometimes I feel that I live my life as a voyeur. I seem incapable of joining in. Although if you you met me you would not believe it, I’m really quite shy. I don’t take risks, I don’t challenge myself. Bottom line is I’m not a good “join-er in-er.” I’m incapable of just muscling in on something and I really I wish I was, but I guess that I’m too old to change now.

Right, now I’m going to do something. I’m going to put an old pair of jeans on and go and let the dog take me for a walk. It’ll do us both good. Better than sitting here on my arse Tweeting.

Speak later,


Posted by: docdenbow | March 11, 2016

You Me And Elvis

So Brian Johnson the lead singer is AC/DC is likely to quit singing live with the band. Although their output has been sporadic since the release of Back In Black the live shows have filled stadia around the world. There has been an article in The Guardian suggesting that the band should just call it a day especially since the very sad health issues of Malcolm Young. Should brand AC/DC soldier on?

There are several pros and cons to this. On one hand you have the thought of the band becoming a sad parody of themselves and on the other you have the simple fact that any band calling themselves AC/DC will continue on like a juggernaut with no brakes as long as Angus has his school uniform and his SG. Does Angus have a duty to carry on, for he is undoubtedly the main attraction, for the sake of the millions of fans around the world? To be honest I don’t really know, but how many of us have bought a post Back In Black album I wonder?

Are these aging rock gods an irrelevance offering nothing more than a trip down memory lane or they a necessary part of our collective psyche, our need to reminisce, our desire to relive the halcyon days of our youth? These OAP rockers don’t usually make new music, certainly none or of little of merit, they are there because they can’t let go and they want the £££££ and to fuel their ego. Very few record or try something different. Very few take chances. In the main it’s merely a case of regurgitating the back catalogue to appease the hordes who fill the stadia. However, for all of that many of today’s artists have no back catalogue to fall back on. Their appeal is ephemeral and they burn like Icarus and end up as difficult questions on Ken Bruce’s Popmaster quiz on Radio 2.

It’s clear to me that in pop culture the filmmakers, TV producers, even musicians are bereft of ideas and inspiration. How many more more “reboots” of films and TV programmes are we going to see? Don’t start me on execrable cover versions warbled by some deluded nonentity on TV “talent” shows, it’s just plain horrible. I swear that if someone ever destroys a Nick Drake song on X Factor or The Voice I will not be responsible for my actions. Take a crafted song, rip the guts out of it and put it on prime time TV. We watch, we lap it up and get carried away on the wave of mediocrity and succumb to the tide of the lowest common denominator. You could say we are drowning in an ocean of cultural excrement.

I suppose that someone clever with letters after their name has said something along the lines of “there’s nothing new under the sun” and I’m sad that I have to agree. I think that in part that’s why people are such suckers for conspiracy theories and total faith in the existence of Bigfoot or UFOs or God for that matter. Most people are looking for validation, some way of validating their lives. If by trawling the Internet, reading books they can cobble together some wacko ideas about who killed JFK and why or who was really responsible for the destruction of the Twin Towers then these losers would somehow validate their lives. The Mayan calendar geeks have showed themselves up when the planet didn’t self destruct a couple of years ago and the Bigfoot hunters are still out there hunting. But if they did ever did find the answer, the solution, the beast, then fame and fortune would surely follow. Are these people subscribers to an intellectual lottery, aren’t we all?

Suppose, for example, a bloke from Croydon called Dave worked out, without fear of contradiction, just who it was who behind the (so called) JFK conspiracy. Then what? If he told anyone he’d either be laughed at, locked up in a loony bin or bumped off by the descendants of the conspirators. See what I mean? Then we come to Bigfoot. Ah yes Bigfoot, that elusive beast which has never left any physical evidence behind. No bodies, no properly tested DNA and so on and so forth. What if on a holiday to Washington state I saw one. What if I took some bloody good photographs? What if I caught HD quality of old Squatchy, huh? What if I took him to a place where clever people could take a proper look at him? What if I took him back to where I found him and leave him there. Then what? If word got out then I guarantee that the poor bastards would be hunted to extinction in next to no time by gung ho, gun toting, trigger happy rednecks and old Bigfoot would once more return to being a beast of myth and legend.

Forget crackpot theories, I’d say forget religion. Strip away your vanity both physical and mental and realise that fundamentally we’re all the same. Me You and Elvis. You should use your life, do stuff, simple stuff. You should only challenge yourself on a day by day basis to be happy. Nothing more than that. There’s no magic formula, no special shortcuts.

Just life


Posted by: docdenbow | March 10, 2016

Pointless Or Futility

Well I really should know better than to start writing, than to start writing without any clear idea of what type of thoughts, ideas, emotions and opinions I wish to convey. That just goes to show that I can from time to time be impulsive. You know, act without any thought of consequences or with any logical raison d’etre behind my actions. Of course all of this is all very well and good but ultimately pointless because I’m not really saying anything now, am I? Yet who am I to express opinions, to pontificate on subjects that in reality I know very little about. I have my truths and beliefs but sometimes feel unable to share them these days for fear of ridicule.

You see my standard of education is not good just a few “O” Levels, an HND and an OU Foundation course. My command of language and punctuation is greatly inhibited by the fact that I have never read any proper books. All I’ve read are detective stories, Adrian Mole books and James Robert Baker’s brilliant Boy Wonder. I bring this up because if I ever want to express myself, even on digital paper, I find that I make no sense. I’ve had ambition to write something weightier than a blog and have written thousands of words to that end. When I read these words back I realise that they consist of nothing more than sixth form musings. In other words piss poor. Over the past 10 to 15 years I have written in excess of 250,000 in abortive attempts at writing a novel or even a novella or even a long short story. Each and every one has been crap.

I can’t bring myself to pick myself up and try again at the moment. I find that it’s bloody difficult to get motivated to write something that I know is complete and utter tosh. It’s a bit like building a shed knowing full well that it well it will collapse onto itself leaving nothing behind but a pile of wood, planks and nails. Nevertheless, it still burns me, that desire to actually write something that begins at the beginning and ends at the end with a tale in the middle. I’m bereft of ideas that aren’t trite or hackneyed and full of false emotion and unfunny humour. I feel like my wish to write is like my wish to draw or sing or play guitar. Ideas above my station.

Perhaps I just need to grow up and realise my best days are well behind me. Having dreams at my age are just that, dreams.


Posted by: docdenbow | March 6, 2016

Streaming Is Killing Music

I was in the shower this morning when our dog started to go nuts. Apparently there was someone was knocking at the door. It was the local chapter of Jehovah’s Witnesses I later found out when they returned for another go at converting me the Ways Of The Lord. Well, as per usual I accepted the little pamphlet with good grace as I cannot find it in my heart to be rude to them, but I wish there was a way that I could get them to leave me be. I have no desire to enter some heavy duty philosophical debate as there would clearly be no winner. If I answered the door naked, perhaps they’d just bugger off and leave me alone. Maybe I’ll try it  next time.

You see I have no problem with religion, politics or lifestyle choices for that matter. However, I do object when people foist their ideas and opinions on me uninvited. Take this crap blog for example. It’s choc full of my ideas and ideals and opinions, but if you think I’m droning on or you’re disinterested in what I’m saying then close the browser window. I’m not looking for fans or converts. I’m not the messiah, I’m simply looking to entertain and give food for thought.Anyway, after that preamble, what am trying to write about here? Well, I’ve written about all manner of crap when this blog was updated constantly and I used to post sometimes up to 5 times in a week and I think I’ve cut the wrists of my inspiration and simply bled out leaving nothing more than a pallid corpse.

What with is happening in the world you’d think I’d have no problem finding something to write about. Not so as basically I couldn’t give a stuff. Most of the things that happen in the world have bugger all effect on me, this poxy EU referendum for example. Do I really care whether we leave the “Common Market”? No I don’t really and that’s because I am crushingly ordinary. I guess I’m part of the “hard working family” section part of the economy that no one, and I do mean no one actually gives a flying fuck about. Politician upon politician say that they’re going to look after us, do they pet. Well no they don’t. So there. All I care about right now, right now, is whether my delivery from Yodel is going to turn up anytime soon so I can go out. Mind you can’t say I’m exactly chuffed that Yodel has started to ignore my Tweets after an excellent initial response time. Bastards.

At the moment moment I’m listening to John Fogerty’s Centrefield album on Spotify – which is brilliant by the way, think Creedence Clearwater Revival only better! As much as I love this album, I can’t but think that I’m shovelling soil onto the coffin that contains rock music by playing music on Spotify. It’s not just Spotify. Whole albums are uploaded to YouTube, in Newsgroups, available on Bit Torrent and more places I guess. Music is dead I’m afraid. No one really cares anymore, it’s gone and pretty soon it’ll be a distant memory. I don’t want to sound like a “it was better in my day” type of old geezer, but I really do think think that music is important

.Shame nobody else does


Posted by: docdenbow | February 17, 2016

The Dawn Of A New Era?

I’m a glutton for punishment. At least I think I am. The fact that I’ve decided to blow some air into the lungs of this, my very own corner of the internet proves it. This may well be a false dawn or it may be a new beginning. Anyway, let’s not look to the future or indeed the past. I’m going to concentrate on the here and now. To be honest I’ve been thinking for a long time of hiding this blog away. A very long time. My postings here have become sporadic to say the least, due in part to a lack of motivation to actually sit down and write. There have been other factors of course. I did try to force myself to write a few weeks ago, that was a post of poor, poor quality and said nothing at all.

However, raising my head above the parapet and posting again may raise a need tidal wave of crap in my direction. I know for a certain fact that I have a real out and out enemy out there in social medialand namely Twitter. I could report the user but he uses several fake accounts and uses them to spread malicious gossip. So what do I do? For starters. I have locked my Twitter account and have begun the onerous task of removing as many followers as I possibly can. Quite why I’m bothering I really don’t know.

I’ve had the odd Twitter message telling me that I should not let them win but I really do feel like throwing in the towel and leaving my Twitter account to gather dust. I’m wondering what to do with this blog. Shall I just leave it here for a week or so this rather sad post can be read before I hide it away or do I blindly carry on regardless facing the slings and arrows of outrageous misfortune? I have no idea. I just don’t know what to do about these jealous twisted individuals but to ignore them. You see I used to love this blog with a passion, but now I’m not so sure. Is it just a case of the 7 year itch and thinking that the grass may be greener if I left this putrid pile of crap alone and started somewhere new?


“……It’s Christmas time, there’s no need to be afraid………….”

Yeah right, no need to be afraid. No need at all unless of course you were one of those hardy souls braving Black Friday or more latterly going to shops in retail parks and town and city centres to buy your array of useless tat that you foist on sundry friends, relatives and acquaintances in this season to be jolly. As you may possibly infer I am not the greatest fan of Christmas, especially since my kids have grown up and fled the nest leaving me and Mrs D to stare fearfully at each other  whilst hiding away from the big bad world.

I really hate the rampant consumerism associated with Christmas. Hate it, hate it, hate it! Just because something is shiny and glittery idiots are happy chucking £££’s at retailers to satisfy the lusts that are propagated by peer pressure and adverts. These adverts are there to convince the feeble minded that somehow they’ll be cooler, more attractive and will have a better life if they spend, spend, spend.I’m no different to be honest. You see I was nearly seduced by a MacBook.

I was in PC World when this vision of loveliness tried to dazzle with its illuminated keyword and beautiful display. It was slim and was whispering huskily,

“Buy me Denbow, buy me. Take me home and caress my keys.”

As a man past his prime it’s not difficult for me to fantasise of being seduced by one of flawless beauty, especially if they have pert icons that quiver and bounce. In spite of being invited to wrap her up to take home by none other than Mrs. D I managed to exercise self control and resist. I went left the store sadly thinking  of what might have been had we met at some other time.  Besides I have moved on and found a deep down dirty and altogether more innovative way of life called Linux which is an alternative operation system for a computer.

Linux Mint 11

Linux Mint 11 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The thing is I like a challenge. I don’t like things to beat me. I like to learn. So whilst on a superficial level Linux is similar to windows and Mac underneath the skin it’s different. Mind you if all do with your laptop is go on the Internet for Facebook, Twitter, shopping and reading this fabulous blog then it does the job perfectly. However, you can fiddle around with Linux to make it look and behave exactly how you you want it to. You can make it look pretty cool! by the way I’ve written this post on my laptop using Linux Mint!

There’s tons of software available that will let you do all of your usual stuff. Oh yes and it’s free, as is all the software. No more bent versions of Microsoft compatible products! After lots of thought and comparing various versions of Linux I opted for Linux Mint 17.3. There’s so many different versions of Linux out it’d melt your brains to check them all out, but for a beginner Mint and its big brother Ubuntu are a perfect place to start. I haven’t used Ubuntu for a while so I’ll tell you a bit about mint. First and foremost it installed on my laptop from a USB stick in about 15 minutes, yes you read that right, 15 minutes. No more tedious buggering around waiting for continuous reboots as it does when you bung Windows onto a computer. It’ll breathe new life into that old laptop you have and make it more than usable again. You’d be surprised just how quickly it will run, and how much pre installed software comes with it.

Right thus endeth the geek speak…….

Long standing readers of this blog will be aware of my more than somewhat unhealthy obsession with the TV programme “Finding Bigfoot.” This obsession has waned a little over the months since I stopped posting here, but I have found something else and dare I say it something better. I write of course of “Mountain Monsters.”  The title is a bit of a giveaway, I know that, but it did rather intrigue me. what mountain did the title refer to and what were the monsters? This required further investigation

I’ll tell you all about it when I post again.

*By the way, if you’re a Linux geek don’t ask me loads of questions that I won’t be able to answer, but if you haven’t taken the plunge let me know I’d be more than happy to share my experiences with you.*


Posted by: docdenbow | June 3, 2015

It’s Worth 50 Bucks All Day Long

Storage Wars

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Having touched upon the mediocre in my previous post, it’s the unerringly crap that I wish to focus my attention on, for they really do have issues that need to be scrutinized. The crap that I am talking about is “reality” TV programmes. In my opinion there there is no such thing as “reality TV” mainly because reality is boring and pretty tedious. You see when it comes to reality TV, it’s all in the edit. now I wouldn’t sully my soul by viewing the odious Big Brother, but what I have to say will apply as much to that as the ones I’m going to have a rantette about.

Where do I start? Hmm, Storage Wars seems as good a place as any. Yuuup! it really does. (I’ll move on to other examples of the American TV in later posts)  To call it rubbish would be to insult the assorted tat that the dealers buy from glorified garages. It is so obviously staged in that you only see the same half a dozen twerps turn up every week (episode) to bid on somebody else’s tat. It’s destroying to watch as they bid $$$$$ for this stuff and the valuations that they put on the stuff as they empty each “locker” (think lock-up) Each and everyone of them seem to think that one man’s rubbish is another man’s passport to paradise. I would like to point out that in Storage Wars one man’s rubbish really is another man’s rubbish. Darrell Sheets  the vest wearing oik with hairy shoulders takes is gormless son Brandon along with him. As they pick their way through bin bags of rotting clothes Darrell will advise the camera that some stinking garment has a designer label and…..”is worth 50 bucks all day long!”

All the time the value of the goods in the locker tot up in the corner of screen and we, the brain dead viewers, are supposed to take all of this in.. “hey, Brandon…take a look!……This is really what it’s all about, this is why I do this……$1000 easy!!” Old hairy shoulders switches from bucks to $$$$$ at a certain point, not sure quite where that is though. If these valuations are anything approaching even way off the mark and these pair of jokers can actually sell the stuff they’ve bought, then there must be a lot of not so bright American people.

My favourites in the show, however, are dumb and dumber, aka Jarrod Schulz and Brandi Passante. In order to be even halfway successful in their chosen profession there are a few very basic rules to follow. For all of my derisory remarks about Darrell he at least isn’t quite as stupid as he looks,which admittedly would be difficult. He does know when the price is not right so he packs it in. Jarrod and Brandi will just decide that their thrift store is empty and bid like buggery to go away with a lot of stuff. This lot of stuff is usually worth considerably less than they paid for it and they continually teeter on the brink of ruination.

There are other members of the cast like Vile David Hester, Barry Weiss and his assorted custom cars, dead Mark Balelo and an auctioneer with a fantastic wig and his silly bitch spouse. I won’t tell you about them. It’ll spoil it for you when you watch it. but just remember the really good stuff is planted and it’s all heavily edited and it’s all in the edit.

Ciao For Now *slugs back 3 fingers of Jack Daniels and lights a Marlboro*


Posted by: docdenbow | May 27, 2015

The Return Of A Man Called Denbow

I have a lot more to say for myself than that tedious boring little, fat ennui who took it upon himself to give me – me????? – A pep talk. I have sent him and his porcine posterior to do what he was put on this planet to do – which is to serve me. He is currently in the local shop (for local people) getting a bottle of Jack Daniels and a bottle of Southern Comfort and several packs of French cigarettes. I’m not paying him, he owes me, and he really owes me for having the sheer bloody nerve in trying to hijack this blog. Ah, this blog! What can I say? I haven’t been as attentive to you as I may have been and what happens, ma Cherie? A little fat git tries to seduce you. Well that little fat git is out of the picture now and I’m back to bore you, irritate you, piss you off, make you laugh and more importantly if I can I’ll make you think.

I’d like comments from you about what you think of the things I write about. I look with envy at the blogs of others and see literally hundreds of comments liberally sprinkled, I have my faithful few so perhaps that should make me content. If you want to comment just use your name or Twitter handle and That way your privacy is preserved but I get some feedback.

I watch a lot of TV unfortunately and in all honesty some of it I consider to be outstanding and some of it is utter tosh. Other programmes are merely mediocre and others completely crap. I consider the utter tosh as a cut above the merely mediocre because the utter tosh gives me the feeling of harmless entertainment for the Countdown Generation. You know the sort of thing; Midsomer Murders, Miss Marple, Poirot, Lewis, Wycliffe etc ad nausea. For my sins I love these programmes, really. There’s an inherent politeness in them all that sums up my ideal vision of life ought to like.

Midsomer Murders

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

These programmes are set where everyone is nice and well mannered. They’re usually middle class and frequently obscenely wealthy. A bit like Downton Abbey where you know someone is definitely, absolutely, certainly going to get bumped off. The poor are poor because they choose to be and are oftentimes somewhat bohemian characters – artists, poets, novelists, and bloggers. You get the odd crazed musician, usually a female concert pianist who has gone bonkers after seeing her pet goldfish drown or something similar. The murders and the mortality rate per show are terrifyingly high. It appears from these programmes that these sceptered isles have several serial killers just waiting to be caught and they always are by the motley crew of detectives.

There’s always something odd about the murders in these programmes. No slashing leaving a trail of bloody and gore. No the victim is always dispatched swiftly and without much in the way of mess. It’s almost as if the murderer and victim discuss the murder and plot together to bring the deed to fruition.


“Sorry old man, but I’m in a bit a bit of squeeze at the moment.”

“Is it the usual thing, money worries?”

“Well yes it is. That and the illegitimate twins living in the next village.”

“Oh, that’s a shocker!”

“You see I bumped off Marjorie for her money, the housekeeper as she was a witness and now I need to bump you orf in such a way that it looks like suicide. You know the sort of thing; you can’t live with the guilt of killing them”

“Yes, I see you’re in a bit of a pickle. Why don’t I just bump myself orf, save you the problem and throw detective right orf the scent. I do have a terminal illness don’t cha know?”

All complete and utter tosh of course but this sort of tripe is served up to the nation’s geriatrics as an antidote to vowel, vowel, consonant etc.

I don’t mind TV like this they’re entertaining and as comfortable as your favourite chair. However, in a few days I’ll slap you in the face with a few thoughts about Storage Wars. Bet you can’t wait……

Ciao For Now,


Posted by: docdenbow | May 25, 2015

Denis Is A Bore

Way back when the world was young, Doc Denbow decided to get back on his horse and launch some kind of presence on the internet. He’d had little website before  “DrDenbowsRockbox.” This was on Freeserve web space and contained little articles and reviews about bands from in and around Swansea. It was a miserable failure. Nobody looked at it and like and abandonedbuilding it fell into disrepair and basically just keeled over and snuffed it. Then Denbow discovered WordPress and found that it was a piece of cake to create a fairly good looking site and as an added bonus he could rant and rave all manner of crap to his heart’s delight knowing that absolutely no one was looking.

He was shocked and stunned to find that as time went on the stats showed that people were actually reading what he was writing and this made him carry on. He carried on ever buoyed by a mania to share what it was that annoyed him and to express opinions everything. He posted stuff about himself, his life experiences, and his beliefs. Yet for all of the joy the writing process provided, over time he began to feel that he was repeating himself or writing just to get hits. He felt he’d sold out. Certainly the quality and quantity of Denbow’s stuff declined steady through the latter part of last year (2014) and to be honest he wonders whether he should carry on. He says that he doesn’t, but I’m here to sort the lazy sod out. He writes quite well when he’s angry and I’m going to make him angry by taking over his blog for a while and posting on it because the great conceited and lazy git that is Doc Denbow just can’t be bothered. He’ll be angry when he wakes from a booze fuelled slumber to find himself locked away in the shed with only a a radio playing John Farnham’s “You’re The Voice” over and over for company.

So for a while while you’ll just have to put up with me. I’m just someone who rarely gets angry, rarely has a strongly held opinion and is I am acutely aware that I am just a teensy weeny bit boring. I’m no a wit, raconteur or anything else. I’m just me and I have nothing to say that will remotely grab your attention. I’m not very interesting at all. I’m conservative in my thoughts and lifestyle and am a typical middle aged grammar school under achiever. I have had no impact on the world and my existence is both tedious and futile. My only success is my ability to fail unerringly in each and every one of endeavours. In fact I think it’s only fair to tag me a a loser or even a non competitor. All of this leaves me with a problem. Although my imprisonment of Doc Denbow may well get him writing again, I cannot think for the life of me just what it may be that I can write about in order to keep the great man’s seat warm so to speak.

The only thing I can write about is my dreams. For all of my life I’ve wished that I was artistic, able to draw and sketch. I’ve watched people draw, both on the TV and in person and with a few delicate swipes of the pencil a figure or a face or a flower just appears as it by magic. It must be wonderful to be that creative that a simple pencil and paper brings things to life, captures moments in time and creates a little bit of immortality. I’ve looked on the internet at pencil sketches and even online lessons. To this end I’ve bought artists pencils and two sketch pads so that I can have a go. However, such is my consistency at fear of failure the pencils remain sealed in their tin and the sketch pads are untouched. It appears that I although I have what is needed I’m not having a go; that’s me all over.That’s what makes me boring and tedious. I’m the eternal “I’m going to….” chappie who eventually tires people by telling them just what it is he’s going to do and then not do it. When I do this I hope they don’t recall my boasts of my plans. I know they do but they are too polite to point it out. They just give me a wide berth.

Anyway, I’ll wrap this up for now.


Posted by: docdenbow | May 23, 2015

Denis’ First Blog Post On Denbow’s Blog ~ A Plea!

TV, TV, TV. Television is my best friend and also my worst enemy. It is, I’m afraid, the thief of my time and the forge of my opinions. There’s so many things that I could  do with my life, my leisure time, my free time, but I waste nearly all of it watching TV. It really doesn’t matter what the programmes are, it really doesn’t, because television creates a situation where you live life by proxy. You do bugger all in real life, but you do watch documentaries showing other people doing stuff. Stuff that you could do if you actually got up and switched the television off and went out to look for life. Of course I’m not really aiming this preachy bollocks at YOU, I’m holding up a mirror to myself and looking at my own failings. As much as I want to think of myself as a free thinking pseudo intellectual, I’m not. In fact I’m nowhere near and I’m glad of it.

…………..This is a waste of bloody time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am trying so hard here to write something and I’m failing spectacularly. I’m writing in my own pretentious circle of ponciness and not being very entertaining either. I think I’ve lost it, whatever “it” is. I mean, I used have an opinion on everything and was a borderline master of the art of cynical criticism. I was faux naif, man, I used to be able to convey my ideas in 600 or 700 words. Now I can’t. I was the man but now Doc Denbow is an endangered beast and I find that upsetting. Doc Denbow is my alter ego, the better part of me. He’s the one with the confidence to say what he thinks. He’s taken seriously and people let him at least make his point before deriding him as a wally. Doc Denbow has had people in the USA read his thoughts and accounts of his experiences in huge numbers. Denbow is truly grateful for that. Denis, however, is struggling to help Denbow make his Lazarus like comeback and find the spirit within that made him able to write.

Denbow’s been finding it tough for a few months, more I think, and I have supported him and tried to inspire him. I pushed and pushed him to write about the general election because I felt that this was the perfect opportunity and the best way for Denbow to make his comeback, his reappearance and regeneration as a blogger. All of my efforts were to be in vain as Denbow, ever the rebel, told me that everyone would be at it. Slagging off the Four Horsemen Of The Political Apocalypse was far too easy, he said, he needed more. Much more. He told me that he more than simple critiques of political posturing. He told me that he needed to move on from reality tv and of what he has written of before. He told me many things, but he couldn’t explain through the haze of his tears where all of his creativity has gone.

Denbow and I have scrolled through his Twitter timeline, looked at hashtags in search of something or someone that he could slag off. Together we’ve looked at the news, we’ve watched television together. Denbow with his Jack Daniels and Marlboro, and me with tea and biscuits. I point at the screen with all the enthusiasm I can must muster exhorting the great man to great out the trust Lenovo and share his thoughts. Time after time I fail.

I’ve even come from work and found the great man listening to Classic FM. I really think that he is almost beyond help and needs counselling, especially as we very nearly came to blows in the past few days. I tried some tough love and I asked him, asked him outright, how the hell he could be a writer or a blogger or whatever the hell he thinks he is when he’s been doing neither I told him that he either had to get out of my brainspace or get act together and actually earn his keep. How did he he react? He didn’t to be honest, he just told me to please myself and if I wanted him to ride off into the sunset then that’s just what he’d do.

This mystical character whose name was dreamt up after watching Gunfight At The OK Corral looked at sadly and told me that even the toughest gunslinger gets tired. Every gunslinger needs to holster the Colts and clean the Winchester whilst considering how best to take down the bad guy.

Let’s see if I can get Denbow back on his horse,


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