Did you see that thing on t’internet the other day about the Loch Ness Monster? A “clear” photograph to prove *yawn* the existence of a massive dinosaur that lives in an enclosed fresh water lake. Conclusive I would (not) call it, but it did fill up some space on that seemingly endless resource that is the world wide web. Space, real space, is infinite. In fact space is so infinite that you’ll never get to the end of it, no matter how much petrol you put in your space car, or should that be ship? The internet is nearly the same, infinite with new stuff being added all of the time and most of it is of little or value as it’s disposable like yesterday’s newspaper.
Newspapers are fast becoming relics of a bygone age. We don’t need no education as everything we need to know is drip fed to us via continual news channels on TV that show us the horrors of the world. We watch South African miners slaughtered from our sofas (settees or couches) whilst we drink tea and munch sausage sandwiches. All our opinions are neatly packaged and drip fed to us to keep us all in check. We are just rich enough not to starve, just enough opportunities to make us aspirational and we lap it all up believing any old crap that is served up to us.
It should be some kind of heaven, like Kryten’s silicon heaven if you like. However, it isn’t as you could argue that it’s silicon hell. Clever people (or aliens) have presented the masses with technology that controls their car’s performance, regulates the temperature of their homes and help them warm up their food. It gives access to knowledge, facts and fiction, truth and lies and gives us all freedom of speech and expression. Great isn’t it, a vision of the future right here and right now.
Err, no. That’s not right. That’s not right at all. We have all of this and we abuse it. We buy iPads and all we do with them is use Facebook and post pictures of what we’re having for tea. We use Twitter to “chat” to strangers who would, I suspect, want nothing to do with you in real life. We watch YouTube videos and share our crap musical taste. We seek out pictures of kittens to share. We play games on our Xboxes wasting hour upon hour as we swig on Stella and smoke our joints rotting what’s left of our brains.
Yet for all of that there are people in the general who do use the internet in a positive and useful manner. These people are the upper echelon of the information super highway. They’re in the fast lane in their sports cars, top down, shades on, wind in their hair and the envy of all. These are the intelligentsia who own the world. The artists, the intellectuals and philosophers. Those with a story to share and who possess insight into the human condition.
I am of course speaking of bloggers………………………
Ciao for Now,
P.S. It’s good to have a little ol’ ramble once again.
When I look at social networking and other people’s blogs, I am constantly amazed at the ease with which people interact and how they can manage to write posts of a high standard. I know that I can’t do that, not anymore anyway. Or at the moment. Or whatever. What isn’t helping is the simple fact that I feel that I have nothing to say and what’s more I’m finding it impossible to say very little in a way that is engaging or even entertaining. As I alluded to in my last post I just can’t get going anymore and I’m only writing this is order to force myself to write just to try and beat down the wall of inertia. Essentially I’m boring. In fact most people are boring in that they too are trapped in the rut of 9 until 5, paying the bills and flopping down in front of the television feeling all of their energy being consumed by 42” of rectangular plasma.
As I sit here in the kitchen staring at the screen, I can’t for the life of me think of anything to write about – nothing I want to share anyway and for me that’s the trouble. You see that although my blog posts have been a bit thin on the ground of late, I have been writing blog style pieces. Quite a few for that matter. However, these little pieces will not be shared as when I have posted personal thoughts and recounted some of my experiences I had a few vicious comments made on the blog, all anonymous by some keyboard warrior who largely got just what he wanted. He succeeded in making me (almost) pack in Twitter and retire this blog. It made me wonder whether this idle little pastime was really worth my time and effort.
I’ve given it a lot of thought and on balance I think it is worth the time and effort. It is worth charting my foibles and opinions on here as I really am not a social animal and a solitary “hobby” is best for me. There are many things I’d like to do, many changes that I’d like to make to my lifestyle but I know that these changes would come at a price and that’s a price that I cannot pay.
I seem to have lost the ability to get right royally pissed off at things that I see on telly or on news websites on the web. Perhaps the last few months the news has been ordinary with nothing to raise my hackles. I’ve tried and tried and tried to make myself indignant and I’ve gone out of my way to watch absolute detritus on the television in an effort to get annoyed enough to rest my digits on the laptop keyboard and write. Day after day I have perused my anger Viagra, The Daily Mail, and have remained totally and frustratingly impotent. Nothing. Nada. Diddly squat. My righteous indignation has transmogrified into contentment and that’s a bugger when the whole “raison-d’etre” of your blog is expressing a healthy disrespect for things that you observe.
It’s only in the last few days/weeks that my red cells have begun to bubble again heading inexorably to boiling point. Drip by drop stories have given rise to a festering sense of malevolent disenchantment at the world in which we live and the way that current affairs are reported with half truths and downright lies spoonfed to the masses. We have also seen those in the public eye makes statements that are crass, offensive and moronic in the extreme. It’s true that the usual suspects have continued to do their level best to ruin my equilibrium there have been many new entries to my “Hit Parade” of irritation. So what do I do? Do I write a dirty great list of just what it is that has pissed me off or is that an exercise in futility? No I’m not going to do that. I’m just going to write and try to make some sense as do.
Maybe my thoughts on the news are just theories about how things are reported but they are my theories.
So where do I start? Let’s get this party started with Mr Donald Trump. Ah, Donald, Donny, Don; where indeed do I start? This is a man who has contributed towards the destruction of the ozone layer by means of the ridiculous amount of hairspray he uses to enable the world’s most idiotic combover. He’s been involved in a Twitter spat with with Russell Brand. Now before I continue any further I’ve got to say 2 things here.
I like Russell Brand
I don’t like Donald Trump
Russell went on TV in America to talk about his book. Donny Baby obviously got the hump with the way Russell was criticizing major corporations so he fired off a Tweet that showed his rapier like wit and massive intellect. So what did he say? He called Russell a ‘major loser’ and the whole world was left reeling. That was okay, but when Russell retaliated Chump sent messages to Russell’s ex wife which I think is borderline trolling. I have already said that I don’t like Donny Baby Chump, but beyond the fact that I don’t like him, I believe him to be dangerous. Taking to Twitter (again) to refer to President Obama as a ”psycho” is of questionable morality, libellous and incendiary given that many Americans distrust Obama for no other reason than the colour of his skin.
Mr Obama should perhaps sue the slaphead for everything he’s got.
Ciao For Now
These days we’re all slaves to technology. All of us. I mean, how many of us don’t own a smartphone or some kind of MP3 player? Every home has the ubiquitous microwave oven and flat screen TV. The thing is, are we any happier for it? Why do we constantly need to upgrade “things?” We upgrade or replace “things” before we need to. Up and down the country I’m willing to bet there are smartphones sitting neglected in drawers and cupboards because they are “old” models. Not because they don’t work, but because they are not the latest new one that’s packed with features that we are conned into thinking that we need.
I’m writing this on a laptop. Yeah, you probably guessed that, but did you stop to think about what kind of laptop Denbow uses? You may think that it’s a sleek new MacBook or a state of the art Sony, if you think that then you’re wrong. The laptop that I use is a six years old Lenovo X200. The speakers don’t work properly anymore and there is a load of insulation tape holding the screen in place after our dog Daisy got bored and decided to have a little chomp on the screen. Does it matter? No, it doesn’t matter. This laptop does exactly what I need it to do. It gets me on the interent and it has Microsoft Word so I can write things. Would a better, newer laptop do those things any better? Well, what do you think?
What I’m getting at is we live in a disposable society. Everything we own eventually gets chucked away, often before it needs to be. We replace our “treasures” thinking that we are spending our money to get something better. Very often we aren’t; all we are doing is indirectly lining the pockets of the admen and directly lining the pockets of major corporations. Does 6 gig of ram make Twitter anymore satisfying or Facebook more tolerable? Why do you want a mobile phone (and that’s what they are – telephones) with a 5 inch screen? Yeah, you get one not because you want one but because your mate Dave has one and you’d be thought of as a twat with your old HTC Desire S. We spend our lives acquiring and grabbing and wasting money and emotion buying stuff. Some people get a quasi sexual thrill over their latest purchases and I think it’s because they have nothing in their lives deep down.
A few years ago I saw a pseudo number plate on the back of some tasteless gross Jeep that said “he who dies with the most toys wins.”
Ciao for now,
I’m scared. In fact I’m more than scared, I’m bloody terrified. I’m terrified that my one little hobby is buggered up my my own inability. The drive and desire has, for the moment I hope, gone. I write about 350 words, read back what I’ve written and either delete half an hours worth of work or leave it to rot in a folder on my laptop. I shouldn’t be scared, I should just wait and not worry and when I have something to say then power up the laptop and get stuck in.
That’s what I should do.
Naturally I won’t, I’ll just carry on writing and try to work my way through this bad patch and hopefully write something vaguely worthwhile, about people you know? I’ve been thinking about people. People in general I mean – the way people in general or at least some people in general react to some stuff, generally. (You can tell I didn’t do any English exams at school can’t you?) I think it’s a trait that must affect a good number of people especially those with access to the internet, television and radio. It’s my view these people have nothing better to do than sit in front of their laptops staring at endless loops of the planes hitting WTC 1 and WTC 2, the Zapruder film and anything they can get their sweaty little paws on about the Apollo moon landings.
That’s for starters.
We can then think of the UFO-logists, the USO-logists, the Crypozoologists, Ancient Alien theorists and fans or rather disciples of David Icke. Oh yes there’s the armchair criminologists, the amateur detectives who pore old tatty documents to prove or disprove something from the past – usually something that no one really cares too much about. It’s not as if they’re searching for the *Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, The Universe, and Everything* (it’s 42 by the way) is it? So why do they do it?
There are probably lots and lots of theories why there are so many people out there who are Conspiracy Theorists usually emanating from American Professors with so many qualifications and letters after their names that they believe that every word they individually utter is fact and every hypothesis that isn’t in line with theirs is truly utter bollocks. Do I have a theory about why there are Conspiracy Theorists? Aside from the fact that there are many sad deluded wankers out there who believe any old scientific horseshit spouted by an “expert” (usually a former something or other who’s probably been busted from previously gainful employment) that they see on YouTube – no not really. Nothing that I would call earth shatteringly definitive anyway. In fact my thoughts are just as bonkers mad as some of the conspiracy theorists’ ideas on assorted and sundry stuff.
My thoughts and beliefs are based on evidence just as spurious as the evidence used by Conspiracy Theorists. I refuse to test the veracity of my evidence and I will not permit it to be analyzed empirically. If I allowed that to happen then my evidence would be twisted and manipulated by the Conspiracy Theorists which would then be a Conspiracy against me. Then a whole new sub genre of Conspiracy Theorists would appear on the scene to investigate the “cover up” and discrediting of me proving that the Conspiracy Theorists are to be considered nothing more than a sad bunch of burger chomping losers with terminally bad skin and/or a drink problem (and certainly no girlfriend) There’s a book “Voodoo Histories: The Role of Conspiracy Theory in Shaping Modern History,” by David Aaronovitch that I really should read if I’m going to keep going on writing this type of debunksional bollocks. However, I saw him on the TV the other day so that’s pretty close and I do have a copy on order from that t’internet. That makes me an expert as to why Conspiracy Theories are bollocks.
They are bollocks – each and every one of them. The “theories” work and enthrall Conspiracy Theorists for exactly the same reason we *normal* people watched “The Evil Dead,” “The Exorcist” and “Nightmare On Elm St.” It’s the same reason that people ride roller coasters, bungee jump, skydive and even ride the waves surfing. It’s for the buzz, the fear. For the Conspiracy Theorists it’s the buzz of finding and indeed believing that shady powers have been playing sleight of hand tricks on the population and exposing these shady powers for what they are.
But, and it’s a big but, if one of these Conspiracy Theories turned out to be true, and some dork with a baseball cap was about to reveal all that he know my bet is he would end up slightly dead. They know this, it scares them but it’s a dear that would make them feel more alive than they’ve ever felt.
If Conspiracy Theories didn’t exist then we’d have to invent them would we?
Ciao For Now